The ultimate budget wedding article

July 27, 6:17 PMWedding and Marriage ExaminerElizabeth Oakes

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                                         Don't break your bank, too.

Now that the government and business are actually admitting the ecomony sucks, a glut of articles about budget weddings have invaded the webosphere.  Though everyone’s offering cost-cutting ideas (from the bar bill to the dress to rent-a-cakes) most of these articles presume you plan to be a good little consumer through the wedding process, albeit one with less discretionary money to spend than before.  

I hope you realize you don’t have to buy anything to get married, that you’re not obligated to dress up or feed a horde or document the whole thing with a legion of cameras and their operators.  The only thing you need for your marriage to be legal is a marriage license and some sort of solemnization to complete the process.  I’d recommend a little research to find out what’s legally required wherever you want to get married so things go smoothly, but that needn’t cost you anything but a  modicum of time (you can even conscript a friend to help you.)  And kisses are free--I'd recommend you ask your new spouse to help with that.

Just because Big Business and The Media are telling you to commodify your wedding, you don’t have to listen.  It gets hard when everyone you know starts echoing the commodified advice, but you can avoid that by keeping mum about your plans until you’ve made arrangements and want to include others. With grit, clear focus, and earplugs (or a cranked-up IPod) you can seek and find a wonderful wedding off the Consumer Grid without too much interference.  

If you can't afford a consumer wedding or want to de-commercialize your wedding just on principle, here’s how to proceed:

Step 1.  Find out what the basic legal requirements are and budget for those.  In most places a marriage license and civil ceremony will cost you $100-$200 and you’re done.  Some states offer marriage licenses that don’t require a witness or even an officiant, so in those places all you really must do is buy the license and find a place to stand.  This is the utmost in cheap, simple, legal marriage; everything else is (wedding) cake.

Step 2.  Soul-search a little with your betrothed and each decide on one aspect of your wedding day that’s really important to you.  Maybe it’s live music, maybe it’s good food, maybe a few flowers or wedding togs, maybe it's an overnight stay at a cabin by a lake.  See if you can afford that one thing.  If so, put it in the budget.  If not, stick with Step 1 and start saving for the wedding of your heart's desire later. DO  NOT WHIP OUT THE CREDIT CARDS.  

Step 3.  Repeat Step 2.  Each of you contribute one more item you'd really like.  Assess budget.  If you can afford it, great.  If not,  be happy that you have love in your life and enough abundance to have a couple nice touches.  This might be a good time to familiarize yourselves with the principles of voluntary simplicity and congratulate yourselves for not going overboard.  

Step 4.  Did you notice how I didn’t say anything about consulting wedding magazines or websites for ideas?  The only idea they'll give you is how to spend more money.  That’s why they exist.  Avoid them as you repeat Step 3, if you still have money to play with.

Step 5.  Repeat as affordable.

That’s basically it.  Slowly grow your wedding plans one thing at a time, in order of importance.  Call in favors from friends or local businesses iif that helps you stay within your budget.  And the most important part: stop when you can’t afford any more stuff.  STOP.  It’s okay.  Why is it okay?  Because it’s love we’re celebrating, not money (when you win the lottery you can celebrate money and have that big wedding too.)  It’s often true that the less you spend on your wedding, the smaller the plans, the more you can focus on what the day is all about--the profound moment of connecting with your beloved in a permanent way.  Stuffing your wedding full of junk or fretting about how you overspent on that junk will trivialize your wedding experience.  Resist!!  

Common sense helps, of course.  Keep the guest list contained (if you can afford to have guests at all) and rein in your urge to splurge on gizmos associated with the American wedding meme--runners, veils, cake toppers, even rings and bouquets.  Rethink these supposedly "must-have" items.  Maybe you work with your hands a ring isn't something you'd like or value, maybe you’d prefer another gift (like a down payment on a home of your own.)  If you’re allergic, you don’t need lots of flowers; if you or your friends are diabetic, for pete's sake don’t put money into a cake.  Common sense should be behind every purchase a couple makes in their lives together, but the wedding industry wants to drive you into a spending frenzy sans any sense at all.   They'll wave the uniqueness of your “Special Day”  under your nose, arguing you should spend like the world is ending because you'll never do this again!!  Outfox them by ignoring them. Your day can be special for other reasons, the right reasons, not because your nuptial dreams were bought and sold back to you.

Yes, you will have to spend a small amount of dough to take care of the legal part.  But don’t presume you have to spend anything more.  You don't, no matter what anyone says.  You won’t be worried about “cost cutting" because you’re going to grow your wedding from what you already have....and as long as you have each other, you’re way ahead of the game.

Elizabeth Oakes welcomes your feedback and ideas at weddingexaminer@gmail.com.