A sad day for gays in California, Arizona, and Florida

November 5, 10:25 PMWedding and Marriage ExaminerElizabeth Oakes

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      Still unfair and wrong, so back to the courts it goes.

....but not in Connecticut where same-sex marriages will begin next week, and  Massachusetts now marries same-sex couples from out-of-state just like California used to, so gay weddings can continue for anyone who can scratch up the airfare.

The battle over California’s Proposition 8 was historic in many ways, and will continue to break ground as additional rulings come forth.  Unlike Arizona where same-sex marriage was already illegal, California is the first state where an initiative repealed civil rights that were already in place, and Proposition 8 fomented the most expensive initiative battle in the nation’s history.  Though today’s results were a tough blow for marriage equality proponents (and the issuance of marriage licenses to same-sex couples has been suspended in California as of today) lawsuits challenging the implementation of Prop 8’s constitutional language have already been filed.  Though the suspension of marriage licensing and ceremonies is in effect, it is likely be a while before final determinations are made about the status of same-sex couples who were already lawfully married when the initiative passed.

Marriage equality won’t be going away.  It’s the civil rights issue of our time and, just as fifty years ago most members of society would have laughed if you said a black man could be President, so too will those who laugh at same-sex marriage today find themselves behind the curve as acceptance of gay rights grows.  It is ironic that some credit Prop 8’s success to the large number of African-American voters who turned out for Obama; ironic because only 150 years ago African slaves in this country weren’t allowed to legally marry either, and slave-owners attempted to silence abolitionists by citing God’s approval of slavery in Leviticus--the same Biblical book that marriage equality opponents quote in their efforts to deny civil rights to gays today.

But I’m not worried.  I see evidence all the time that the fabric of society is strengthening in favor of tolerance, and just as we now have our first President of color, marriage equality too will come to pass.  For the past several years I’ve been heartened by the hundreds of interethnic, intercultural, and interfaith couples who have come to the L.A. County Clerk’s office to be married, and to see that tolerance and diversity have already been embraced inside the home, not just in the workplace where it is legally mandated.  These ceremonies fill me with great hope that Dr. Martin Luther King’s vision of a society where people judge each other “not by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character” has arrived; of course, more work must be done, but it was not so long ago that such unions would have been illegal and impossible.   Now they are commonplace, and accepted.

So too have I seen the glimmerings of a future where same-sex couples are considered equal, particularly this past week when many came to be married before Election Day.  On Monday as I scrambled to marry as many people as possible--both gay and straight--in the last hour before the Clerk’s office closed, I asked waiting couples if they would mind doubling up, allowing me to marry two couples in one ceremony so we could fit everyone in. Six couples agreed, and as it happened each of those three ceremonies included one straight couple and one gay couple, and in each instance all shared the moment with grace and inclusiveness.  

The first set of couples had not brought any guests so they signed as each other’s witnesses, ending their brief time in the chapel with hugs and and laughter and photos together.  Another pair of couples each had a toddler with them, and the little ones squawked happily at each other throughout the wedding.  Even in the last double ceremony, where the husband of the straight couple wore a huge ornate crucifix, that overtly Christian couple shared the room with a lesbian pair and all were decent to each other--not cozy, but not chilly or suspicious either.  They were respectful, and considering the intensity of the marriage equality debate, that was good enough.  Really good, in fact.  

Everyone seemed deeply present, perhaps because the unusual circumstances awoke a greater awareness of the meaning of these weddings and each couple’s sense of what getting married was truly about.  For me, it was an intense and anxious but sweet day, and I know we will see such days again (though I’ll submit my request now for a less frantic schedule.)

As now the focus shifts from state initiatives to Obama’s presidency and the huge tasks of recovery and restabilization that await us as a nation, the marriage equality movement will recover from these losses and move on.  Not just move on, but move forward.  As Dr. King told us:  

“Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends.

And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.’ "

May it be so--soon--for all of us.

Until next time, a sweet and long life to you all.

Elizabeth Oakes welcomes your feedback at weddingexaminer@gmail.com.