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Dying and laughing
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I remember one of Dr. Aoki’s death and dying classes on TV quite well. There were about ten students, four of whom participated in a short role playing exercise. One played a person lying on his deathbed. The other three played friends and family, seeing him for the last time. There were no scripts. Everything was impromptu. The students were selected randomly that day in class. The following approximates Dr. Aoki’s instructions to the students playing visitor: “Go into the room to visit John for the last time. You know he is dying and will be dead in a few minutes. He still can hear but cannot open his eyes. Say goodbye to him the way you would to a real dying person.”
The four students took turns. The first hesitated at the door and was speechless. It was not known whether she was camera shy or scared of death. When she finally said something, it was “John… I don’t know what to say….” Although she went through her allotted time, I think three minutes; it was pretty much all that she had to say.
The second said “John, why you? I can’t believe you are dying. You are still so young; you’ve a whole lifetime in front of you. Don’t die. You can’t. Hang on.” She kept repeating hang on, and, as she did, she started crying.
The third was even more emotional. She appeared at the door, saw John lying on his deathbed, appeared hesitant and somewhat scared, then she ran to the bed, crying out “John, John, oh, John!” She broke down. She cried her heart out. “John, please don’t go…please don’t leave us…you can’t leave us,” she pleaded. She cried so hard that Dr. Aoki had to intervene. She lasted barely over a minute.
Now Dr Aoki appeared at the door. He paused, cleared his throat and approached John. “Hello, John, Dr. Aoki.” He held John’s hand. “If you can hear me, squeeze my hand. It doesn’t have to be hard; I can feel it even if you make a soft squeeze.”
“Can you hear me?” John squeezed. “Can you see around you even with your eyes closed?” John didn’t squeeze. “Is it dark?” John squeezed.”
“Do you see a light?” Dr. Aoki continued. John didn’t squeeze. “Look around for a light, it will be appearing soon.’ Dr. Aoki paused then continued. “Do you see it now?” John squeezed.
“Is it getting bigger and brighter?” John squeezed. “Go to it, John, Don’t be afraid, it came for you. Follow it, John, follow it.”
After that, John described what he felt with each one that visited him. He felt like saying to the first one, if you don’t know what to say, don’t say anything. He said he was perturbed that she kept repeating herself.
To the second one he felt like saying “hey, I am really dying, believe it! I can’t just come out of to live out the rest of my life. She had annoyed him, too. ”
To the third one, he wanted to say “don’t think of yourself. I am dying, think of me. I am alone in darkness, I am scared.”
To Dr. Aoki he said you gave me guidance and assurance that I was in good hands. That was what I needed to hear. When I saw the light, at first I was surprised but I was never scared. I felt safe. As it got closer, I started to go to it. I felt a deep love coming from it. I was so happy that I started smiling and laughing. Here I am, dying and laughing with joy!”
Dying and laughing. What a strange combination! However, it may be more common than you think. It can happen in your own backyard, as the following story shows: .
Early in the morning, 3:00 a.m. to be exact, someone was knocking on the front door. Upstairs in bed Lynn awoke and shook her husband. “Tony, Tony, wake up, wake up!” she said, “someone’s frantically knocking on the front door. It might be an emergency!" Tony did not budge. “Tony, please get up!” She continued shaking him. "Tony, wake up! Wake up, Tony! Wake up!” Tony didn’t wake up. It would be horrifying for her to find him dead. Just imagine what it would be like trying to wake up your spouse in the middle of the night only to find him or her dead. And the knocking...was it Death?
Well, Tony wasn’t dead and it wasn't Death knocking; Tony just didn’t want to get up. It was 3:00 a.m., cold, and it was a working day. “Get up, Tony. I think it’s an emergency; someone needs help.” Sure enough, barely audible, downstairs outside someone was pleading “Will you help me please? I need help!” Instead of getting up, Tony said “we just don’t answer, he’ll go away,” and turned to face the other side.
There was a long moment of silence. The knocking and the pleading had stopped. Then Lynn whispered “Honey, did you go back to sleep?
“Yes, but now you woke me up!” he replied.
She said “I’m wide awake, still thinking about whoever was at the front door. He may have his wife and kids in the car, stranded. Can’t go back to sleep.”
Again, silence.
Finally, Lynn said “Tony, remember when we got stuck in the mud one cold winter night in the middle of nowhere?” No response. “Well,“ she continued, “that nice farmer…you woke him up, didn’t you?
Again, silence.
“Didn’t he drive his John Deere 3 miles just to give us a push?”
Tony finally responded. “Dam!” He got off the bed, put on his robe and stumped downstairs. He slowly opened the door with the chain on and peered outside. Finding no one there, he released the chain and went outside. It was pitch dark. “Hey, are you still out there?” Nobody answered. “Hey, out there, do you still need a push?” A man with long hair, unshaven, stepped out from the dark. Tony was taken aback. “This guy is a bum, dirty and half nuts,” he said to himself. “Go away! Scram, beat it!” he yelled at the man. He slammed the door shut. But he just stood there upset with the bum, with himself, with his wife, with everything.
Then something strange happened. it was like Devine intervention. His wife’s words resounded in him- “Didn’t he drive his John Deere 3 miles just to give us a push?” Quickly, he opened the door and went back outside.
“Hey, out there, I will give you a hand.” No one answered. “Hey, are you still here? I’ll give you a push.” Still there was no reply. Now he was beginning to feel guilty. “Hey, out there, do you still need a push? I want to help you.”
“He may have his wife and kids in the car, stranded,” his wife had said. “Oh, God…” he muttered. “Hey, out there, I want to help you…” “Remember when we got stuck in the mud one cold winter night in the middle of nowhere?” He had forgotten all about it. Now he remembered that night so well. After a while, he sank to his feet and began to cry. “That nice farmer…you woke him up, didn’t you?” Yes, he did wake the farmer up, and he had pleaded for help, too. But, instead of slamming the door to his face, the farmer smiled at him and said, “Hush, no need to say anything more. I’ll be right there.” His tears were really flowing now. "Please answer. I'll make coffee for you. You must be freezing. Are you still here?."
Finally, he heard the man’s voice. “Yes..., I need a push.” Tony’s eyes opened wide; he started laughing. He stood up and ran to the direction of the voice. “Do you need a push? I want to help you, thank you, thank you. I want to help you. Thank you, thank you.”
“I’m here on the swing.”
Duh….
Soon the man would be dying and laughing too.
I hope you, too.
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