Mostly-true confessions of a Seattle soccer mom

January 6, 6:51 AMSeattle Soccer ExaminerDavid Falk

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Americans might raise an eyebrow or two at the way soccer, known around the world as 'football,' is promoted to fans in other countries. Far less shy than us Yanks are about the topic of sex, clubs the globe over don't mind keeping interest in their adventures by flashing some player flesh or at least not objecting when a player does so on his own to make some extra coin.

Sounders FC will jump into this fine worldly mix of soccer, passion, and sexiness in 2009. Already Seattle has signed former underwear model Freddie Ljungberg. Now they just need to look their female fans in their eyes and tell them with a straight face that it was only for his soccer skills.

Is Seattle ready for sexy soccer?

Heather Johnson has followed Seattle pro soccer through two previous Sounders clubs. She's the kind of superfan who can be seen serving lunch to Sounders players after practice at fan-sponsored picnics. She has also on more than one occasion suggested with sincerity that if a player needs extra cash he is always welcome to come over and mow her lawn. She's just that kind of caring.

While Johnson understands the game well, is a player herself, and knows a left back from a midfielder, she's not opposed to the occasional gawk at a well-toned soccer stud. I asked her if she thinks Seattleites might be too polite to stare at Ljungberg for his looks. "One can hope so," she says with appropriate concern. "He seems like a nice enough young man, and certainly has nice abs, but isn't really my type, so I guess I can't really speak to how gawk-worthy he is, and just hope that those who do find him gawk-worthy won't harass him. But I don't think they will. We're well-behaved here, and it's not like we've never seen a metrosexual before, so Freddie will probably be able to go to Fred Meyer in peace. Unless he shows up in his Calvins."

It's true that Ljungberg is very European in his masculinity. Should I doubt Ms. Johnson's true motives when she gets specific about body parts (abs), though?

The world soccer governing body, FIFA, put in a rule that when a player rips his shirt off after a goal, he receives a yellow card. "Asinine," says Johnson of the rule.

Ljungberg as Calvin Klein's underwear model a few years back.

The 1970's Seattle Sounders were mostly British
lads who hung out by the pool on off days.
(Jenni Conner photo). See larger version here.

With a snarky, playful tone Johnson reflects back on those 'other Sounders' dating back to the 1970s when we had a team in a different league. Oh, and did I mention it was the '70s?

"The USL Sounders were *much* fitter than players were in the olden days," suggests Johnson, "but they lose major points for wearing culottes. The short shorts of the '70s and '80s were far more visually pleasing, and I maintain that modern 'shorts' slow players down via excessive wind-resistance. The USL Sounders do get points for better hair, although I don't really think that factors into sex appeal. The mullet was never a good idea."

Last season a Sounders opponent left the pitch wearing
a different-colored uniform than he started with.
(Jenni Conner photo)

Johnson has followed the flash and sex appeal, and occasionally the harsh reality of brutal injury, over the Sounders' 25 previous seasons. Soccer delivers the legs, the sweaty vibe and the flowing hair, but also sometimes the blood. "Actually, the worst injuries I've seen have been while I was playing indoor soccer," she recalls. "The pros have nothing on us amateurs. However, the professional injury that grossed me out the most was when Gary Mills broke his leg in the Kingdome. Not only did the Vancouver Whitecaps fans jeer (they were rowdier than Timbers fans in the olden days), but the *snap* kind of echoed through the Kingdome. It was icky. I was in high school, a nice sensitive young thing, and cried.

"The second ickiest was when Maykel Galindo collided with Preston Burpo. Burpo was a lot bigger, so that didn't work out so well for Galindo. Our seats were right over the Sounder bench, so I just wanted to slide through the rail and give Galindo a kleenex and clean up his mess. But I restrained myself and let the professionals deal with him."

The most-recent version of the Sounders often played matches at Starfire Sports Stadium down in Tukwila. One thing the venue was famous for then were the lack of proper locker room facilities. Sometimes the players had to do quick changes on the sidelines at halftime.

Johnson also recalls the problems the Sounders had with poorly made Nike uniforms last year. Not a single match went by without at least one player's shirt being ripped from game contact. Alas, the Major League Soccer Sounders will have better uniforms and better locker rooms at Qwest Field.

Johnson has a keen sense of humor, but is quick to point out that women are thinkers in the sport, too.

"Of all my hundreds of teammates on the teams I play for, the majority of the savviest players/strategists I know are all women. There are men on the list, but most of the list is women. Perhaps Sounders FC should have looked to Coed/Women's leagues for their coach.

"It's not horrible, but it is still a sexist world out there, and if we want our knowledge to be taken seriously, we really do have to go further (as it were) than men do in proving that we know the game. That said, most women I know don't study the game all that seriously. I thought it was myth, but there really are a disturbing number of soccer moms (much as I hate the term) who don't understand the game. I don't quite get how that's possible, but apparently it is. Of course, there are also plenty of soccer dads who don't get it, either."

Is bald beautiful? 2009 Sounders Kasey Keller and
Freddie Ljungberg. (From club holiday card to fans.)

Is it possible to turn the traditional Seattle soccer mom into a screaming player-worshipper for Sounders FC?

"Worshippers? Dunno," contemplates Johnson. "Personally, I don't scream (although I do frequently say bad words fairly quietly during games), and never really got the thing of hero-worshipping anyone (outside of Jeff Durgan, of course), but I think that women are just as capable as men of being vocal, opinionated (I fit that one nicely), and enthusiastic fans. Everyone needs a vent."

In many countries soccer is thought of as the very most macho of sports. Women play the game sparingly if at all. All of the adoration from fans, both male and female, is aimed at the 'soccer gods' on the pitch. They stay tuned in for the drama of watching their favorite clubs battle for trophies. They keep watching for the great individual play, the stunning goal, the impossible save.

Along the way if a little blood and muscle comes in to view, is anyone in Seattle really going to mind?