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Retro Commercialism: Gamepro TV
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One of my great gaming tragedies, alongside never owning a original Playstation and paying full price for Yoshi's Story, was missing out on the genius of JD Roth. Since there was no internets back in the motherland, and TV shows video games were as foreign to my people as Shaq-fu, my only exposure to Roth and shows like Gamepro TV were limited to advertisments on Gamepro magazine.
Now, thanks to the magic of youtube (and me randomly wasting time on the site looking for other retro gaming footage and In Living Color skits), I have discovered several episodes of Gamepro TV, complete with JD Roth looking like a cross between Willie Ames and Seth Green and some other dude named uh... Bud. For someone who kept bugging his dad to install scam artists Sky Cable in our house, I was a little excited to see what Gamepro TV was all about. Granted, today we have G4 (and Olivia Munn... ay, maron...) and CO-OP and countless other video game related shows, but back in the early 90s, this was your source for hot tips and tactics. So was my almost 20 years of waiting to watch Gamepro TV worth it? Well, in honor the show's time frame, I have produced a running log of one of its episodes with timestamps for posterity, complete with "duder" language. I have no idea if this is how people actually talked back then, but you can blame movies for making me think that.
(Apologies to Bob Mackey, who in searching for a image for this post, I found has not only did this story before, but did it better)
00:13 - Awww, dude, I love Battletoads. That game is so bad, like tottaly bad as in totally good. Dude, the hoverboard stage is so awesome. Hecks yeah, Battletoads.
00:35 - Bogus, dude, I didn't know Archie was the host of Gamepro TV? Is that like, totally Encino Man for a sidekick?
01:02 - Bummer, dude, looks like 16-bit Castlevania 4 isn't gonna make it to this week's show, whoa.
01:20 - Man, dude, "hey, thanks for bringing the 16-bit stuff." Like, cowabunga, dude, I wish I had the job to write those totally rocking scripts. I'd be so good at it, dude.
02:07 - Hey, dude, Encino Man just called the game nerd a "spud." That was awesome, dude.
02:30 - Bodacious, dude, keep whacking the same bird over and over again for to a 1UP. Haha, he said hit the...
03:20 - Like dude, all I have to do is tape myself saying I did something amazing in a game and they'll believe me without proof? Score free Gamepro stuff, dude.
04:45 - Amazing, dude, Archie is in like a moutain thing talking about Native Americans. Soulf of the earth, dude.
05:10 - Oh my God, dude, there's a Lone Ranger game? Dude, that so like my favorite game growing up.
06:10 - 0810 7830 3251 2 = Dude mode in Lone Ranger game. There's like no way dude can die. Dude, that's so meta.
07:02 - 16-bit, dude, the code in Bloody Wolf code unlocks Bloody Wolf 2 and 3?
07:58 - Dude, it's time for the Broreview... ohhhh, PROreview. Sorry, dude.
08:23 - Stop the show, dude. We got Shatterhand for the NES! Main character is named Steve! And he gives new meaning to the term "punch in the face!" Dude, he can punch peoole in the face and no one cares, dude.
09:52 - Time out, dude, was Shatterhand game given the same score as a Nintendo 64 game. Mario Bros. 3 got? Who's in charge of their reviews? I need to throw popcorn dude some popcorn
00:30 - Duders, TV Sports Hockey is the best TG-16 sports game ever. Believe.
00:59 - Whoa, dude, game looks like a Genesis NHL game. Bonus points for the announcer with no teeth.
01:20 - Oh my gosh, dude, refs are sooooo whackity whack. Is David Stern, like totally rigging this?
02:20 - Cowabunga, dude, Bud just chanelled his inner Damon Wayans.
02:30 - Wait, duuudee, was that just one family who owned the scoreboard? All you have to do is call in and say you finished a game.
03:27 - Now hold on, dude, why would you cheat at Pilotwings? You're depriving yourself of Mode 7. Best. Graphic. Trick. Ever.
04:57 - Codes, dude, codes. Now a code for the last level of Herzog Zwei is like, totally worth it, dude. That game was hard.
05:30 - Beyond awesome, dude, an arcade section, (play air guitar).
07:14 - JD, bro, dude it's not just called Castlevania 4. Actually it's called Super Castlevania 4, but I won't say anything, dude.
07:48 - Dracs is whacks, dude. OMG, MODE 7 backgrounds!!!!
08:31 - Mondo monsters are so bogus, dude, they like, looks so tough, dude.
08:50 - Wait, dude, MC Hammer was responsible for Castlevania's soundtrack?
09:22 - Dude, that Mega Man trick is like, 5 years too late. Protip, duder, get a clock.
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