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Technology narrows gulf between soldiers and their loved ones
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Read Part I: My Very Dear Sarah
Read Part III: "One hundred percent a soldier."
Part II: Little things, amplified: The view from home
Andrea and Matt have been together for more than three years. For the better part of two years, the couple has been worlds apart.
Matt, a 20-year-old Master of Arms in the U.S. Navy, is stationed overseas.
(Author’s note: For security purposes, I have omitted last names and Matt’s current location.)
“It will be two years, in August, that he has been overseas,” said Andrea. “I see him for two weeks about every eight months, though last time he was home with us for a month.”
Military spouses of previous generations will recognize this type of protracted separation. However, for those who once spent weeks hoping for a letter, the frequent contact of today’s military couple might come as a surprise.
“Unless his work schedule keeps him busy, we talk pretty much every day,” Andrea said. “He calls from Skype to my cell phone. We usually talk for a while.”
Skype is software that allows users to make telephone calls via the Internet. By the end of 2008, the company claimed 405 million users, who have made more than 100 billion minutes of free Skype-to-Skype calls.
Andrea doesn’t even have to wait for Matt to call her.
“He just the other day bought a phone number, so I can call him now, for the first time in two years,” she said.
The couple bridges the distance using a variety of communication platforms, both old and new.
“Sometimes we email,” Andrea said. “I mail him gifts. That usually takes a week to two weeks to get to him. We use Facebook and MySpace, too.”
Andrea says she is glad that, unlike generations past, she does not have to rely exclusively on the postal system.
“When he was in boot camp, we could only send letters, and I would only get a letter from him every couple of weeks,” Andrea said. “That went on for a couple of months.”
“So you end up checking the mailbox every day. It’s hard. A lot of things would happen. Two weeks after he left for boot camp, my aunt passed away, and I had to send him a letter about it. It’s a very slow process. By the time he heard the news, and responded, it’s all said and done.”
Still, the availability of modern technologies hasn’t eliminated the age-old stresses of being in a relationship with a military man in a far-flung locale.
“Every little thing amplifies when it’s long distance,” Andrea said. “If I go out with friends and there’s a guy there, it’s not a big deal when he’s home. But when he’s away, he doesn’t know the people and doesn’t know what’s going on. Sometimes it puts a strain on the relationship.”
According to Andrea, the separation has, in some ways, even been constructive.
“It’s strengthened our relationship,” Andrea said. “We don’t let little things bother us. It’s definitely made us stronger to be apart. It makes us miss each other more, so it’s better when he’s home.”
Spending so much time away from Matt has forced Andrea to find ways to cope with his absence.
“I try to spend more time with friends,” she said. “If I dwell on the distance, it’s harder.”
The availability of new streams of communication makes the life of loved ones at home easier than it once was.
“It’s not impossible,” Andrea said. “When people hear that I’m with someone overseas in the military, they say ‘I could never do that’.”
“Many people think they couldn’t do it. And I never thought I could, either. But when you’re faced with a situation where you have to do it, you learn to deal with it.”
Perhaps the most important service offered by Skype, Facebook, and MySpace, isn’t just a way to easily share the tedious details of everyday life. Maybe it’s peace of mind.
“There’s always a little bit of a worry,” Andrea said. “But I don’t worry too much about him. We talk all the time.”
“He’s safe.”
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