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Forgiveness releases you
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We’ve all heard that forgiveness isn’t about the other person – it’s about setting ourselves free.
I experienced this firsthand when I was consumed with venom towards a special enemy – I felt like our family had extended great generosity to this person, only to be taken advantage of.
I never wanted to see this person again, and I didn't for years. But then, for some reason, God chose to place her in an office where I would have to cross her path several times a week.
I wondered, “Does God have a cruel streak?”
I hated having to see her. I dreaded having to go near that office. I had a pit in my stomach whenever I thought about her (which was often).
Then I began having dreams about forgiveness. One day I mentioned the dreams to a fellow Christian, a man whom I greatly admire. He asked me if I thought God still used dreams to speak to us. I wasn't sure, but just having the discussion compelled me to seek peace. This faithful brother in Christ said he pray like crazy while I sought reconciliation.
I walked into my enemy’s office; got down on my knees and told her I was sorry for all that had transpired between us. I wish you could have seen the look on her face. Suddenly she was apologizing too, and asking how my family was.
Did you notice I did not ask my enemy to forgive me?
That would be manipulative. This wasn’t about her. This was about getting my heart right. Whatever she chose to do was between her and God.
I don't know if it is true, but I've heard that in ancient times if you ran over someone with your chariot and killed them, the dead person’s body was strapped to you until it rotted away. Imagine the relief that came when the putrid carcass was cut free. That’s a picture of what forgiving someone does.
After I forgave my enemy, I never even gave her a moment’s thought. If I crossed her path, I could simply smile and wish her well, and mean it.
God had set me free from consuming thoughts of hate, vengeance, and retaliation. The carcass on my back was gone and so was the smell.
*Forgiveness doesn't mean you accept that what someone did to you was okay. It also doesn't mean you have to have an ongoing relationship with that person -- some people are so toxic to your mental health that you need to have huge boundaries until they stop hurting you. Lewis Smedes' book on Forgiveness is probably the best there is: The Art of Forgiving
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