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I guess I'll take my chances with the smog.
This was a good year for scooters, to be sure. But as with any upsweeping trend, the unprecedented popularity of scooters has brought with it some unfortunate merchandising byproducts. From the bad to the ugly, here's a roundup of the top five scoot buys nobod needs to make this year:
1. The Bluetooth-enabled helmet
I understand that some people use these as intercoms between bikes, and that's great for cross-country trips and the like. Great. But if you read the description of these helmets, you'll find that they're also cellphone enabled, just like those annoying little bits of face Lego that people wear so they can be reached even if their very important hands are busy doing important things. Not only is it dangerous to be talking on even a hands-free cell while riding, it is ridiculous to assume so highly of oneself that it is unacceptable to wait until after a trip to answer conduct a phone call.
I can appreciate why something like this would exist- they filter smog and ostensibly keep you from breathing too many toxins while riding in urban areas. But... look at it. I'd say a well-placed muffler would be just as effective and wouldn't make you look like a ninja version of Michael Jackson.
3. The Chupa Chups lollipop helmet
I'm afraid I have to agree with the fine folks at 2StrokeBuzz on this one- this helmet is a design nightmare. Part Austin Powers, part 70s porno fantasy, these graphics are terrible. While I would rather wear this helmet than nothing at all, the decision not to risk a closed-head injury is not exactly a ringing endorsement.
As if scooter windscreens weren't already the pocket-protector of the scooter world, they now come with embellishments resembling what might happen if you parked your scoot too close to a spot where they were re-tarring the asphalt. The one on the far left makes the otherwise-handsome Vespa S look like Gene Shalit.
OK, I admit I get a little smug smile on my face when I pull up next to a ginormous Excursion or Hummer at the pump, fuel up for all of 35 seconds, and drive away for less than a fiver. But even though Sportique sells these stickers, I think the push the smug to a rather unnecessary level. Of course the guy tailing you in the Lincoln Navigator knows you are getting much better gas mileage than he is. But if he cared about that, would he really be driving that behemoth anyway?
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