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How to Treat Your Unemployed Friends
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Image courtesy of 2Buildings1Blog.org
Even if you are lucky enough to have employment during these dire times, you are probably not lucky enough to escape the scourge of having unemployed friends. In this situation, you have two options: cut them off before the losers drag you down, or acknowledge the fact that there but for the grace of God go you and so you may as well be kind to them.
What, though, does being "kind" entail? Well, it depends on the circumstances.
IF YOU ARE IN GRADUATE SCHOOL:
Man, you must be feeling good about yourself. Back when you dithered about whether to climb back into that ivory tower, you wondered how jealous you would be of all those preppy UPenn grads and Harvard MBAs you know raking it in with one hand while making travel reservations on their iPhones to meet their model girlfriends for weekend jaunts to Java with the other.
As it turns out, you have been saved from facing one of the worst hiring environments in recent history, and your once-successful friends, having been left by their model girlfriends, are selling their iPhones on Craigslist to pay their credit card bills and wondering why they needed to buy downhill skis, cross-country skis, a snowboard, and a surfboard while living in Manhattan.
Step one: back away from the shadenfraude. Okay, maybe these people teased you about being an egghead and said you couldn't handle the "real world." Maybe they made ill-advised comments about how you needed to "grow up." They were speaking from a pre-2008 mindset. Try to forgive, if ony because whenever you are kicked out of the grad school nest, you too will have bills to pay and an unfriendly job market to face. Having friends in a similar situation -- especially ones who feel bad about kicking you around back in the day and who are thus disposed to help you -- will make all of that easier to bear.
Step two: don't complain about having to get grades. Unemployed twenty-somethings would LOVE to get grades. Lacking bonuses, mid-year reviews, interviews, offers, or any other kind of validation, a bright red "A" on a paper is as appealing as a cherry on a sundae made of ego-soothing chocolate.
IF YOU ARE EMPLOYED:
Do not invite your unemployed friends to your fabulous birthday dinner at Morimoto where, even if they order only green tea, they will be stuck with 1/12 of an $800 tab.
Do get very comfortable saying, "Actually I'd love to stay in. I have 'Mean Girls' on Netflix! Let's make popcorn and watch that." If necessary, pratice with the mirror until you sound sincere.
Do not demand that your former wingman continue to be your wingman weekend after weekend as you cruise the Williamsburg hot spots. Bar hopping is expensive and dude won't want to let you down, even as resentment attacks his liver as steadily as the tequila shots do.
Do some research into cheap eats, free fridays and other deals at museums, off-off-broadway shows, cheap improv, and, as the weather gets warmer, outdoor concerts and movies.
Do occasionally say, "No, I've got this. It's cool." But do not overdo it. Unemployed peeps still have their pride.
AND, IN GENERAL:
NEVER ask, "Gotten a job yet?" When there is good news, it will be shouted from the rooftops; it will take over your and everyone else's Facebook feed. Be prepared to celebrate when that happens but til then, smile and be supportive and get excited about playing lots and lots of Hungry Hungry Hippos.
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