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Summer Vacation 2009, Stepparenting Style

           Who are these people and what did they do with my family?!

 

If you're already in the throes of your "wonderful" vacation, you might be asking yourself this question by now. Here are some items to help you survive - with sanity intact - an impending stepfamily vacation.

 

It's hard enough planning and executing a vacation for a biological family. But with stepfamilies, issues that normally aren't factored in come in to play, and you need to be well armed to fight off the issues before they happen. Most of these ideas aren't drastically different from a bio-family. But the divergent interests, ages, desires and expectations in close proximity must be maneuvered, which seasoned stepfamilies know all too well.  

Most vacations with families are usually for the kids, and not a break for the adults (sorry!). In fact, you'll probably work harder ON vacation than not. Both bio and stepparent are both pulling double duty, so you must ensure you don't go into "solo vacation" mode and leave the other parent babysitting, particularly if you're a bio-parent. Again - you're the parent. Big decisions are left up to you. It is highly encouraged, however, that prior to any vacation your blending family sit down, and vote on what you want to do and where to go on this vacation. BEFORE you meet with the kids, give them frugal choices. Right now, not many can afford the luxurious vacactions of even five years' ago, so limit them. You're still on parental duty - both of you!  Be especially conscientious if you travel with other relatives or another family - which is a good option to diffuse stepfamily dynamics, by the way.

Here are some tips for a successful (if not entirely relaxing) vacation with the stepkids, from some stepparents:

· Plan early and schedule in advance, since vacation coordination is a challenge between ex-spouses, coworkers, and kids' activities.
· Give your ex a head's up and an itinerary, including lodging, flights, or expected routes for road trips. If you might deviate, say so - and promise to check your home answering machine for messages. You'd want this courtesy too; it's strange to have no idea where your children are.

· Don't be chained together. Schedule some simple one-on-one activity with the kids in shifts, depending on their ages and numbers. Try to accommodate your teens' desire to sleep in and allow some couch potato behavior by everyone.
· Again, keep the vacation simple and frugal. 

· Avoid competing with the other bio family. They might even step their vacation up to make you feel bad. Kids most of all want love from their parents, particularly the younger ones.

· Bio parents should ensure that the children send the other parent a postcard, and possibly call during the trip.

· Expect stress. Enough said. If it turns out to be fun, that's bonus!

When things at home get back to normal, and you both have a mutual child/children, plan on doing something special just for them while the stepchild is visiting the other bio parent, just to make them feel special.
 

Aforementioned is aforewarned! Don't let your trip be ruined altogether by not being prepared. And remember to include the children when making your decision. That takes the blame away from you and your spouse if it's not what the kids wanted or thought it would be.

Photo by K. Bischoff