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Surprise! we're not mind readers

August 26, 11:59 AMDating Tips ExaminerIan Coburn
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Don't know; no credit for on web.

Woman are always commenting that guys are clueless; yet, despite this realization, the fairer sex certainly performs acts that would make you think women think we men are not just clueless--we're mind readers!

Ah, no. This time of the year, and then again around big holidays, I always get a surge in questions from women about surprising their boyfriends. Right about now, especially in cold places like Chicago, women seem to be cementing their summer romances for fall and beyond. These women want to know why their surprises aren't working and how to make the next attempt work.

It always goes like this: The woman wants to surprise the guy with something she typically doesn't care about, like concert or sport events tickets. She sets it up, not uncommonly spending in the thousands, but she doesn't give the guy an inkling about it. The day she plans to surprise him, he is unavailable. He has other plans with friends or family or needs to finally get around to cleaning his ears (we don't do that often). The woman is upset but still doesn't tell her guy what's up. She then plans another event, maybe selling the tickets to friends or something, usually losing at least a couple hundred dollars.

Guess what? It happens again! Sometimes up to three times, at which point she becomes furious. "Why can't I surprise my guy??!!" You can. What you can't do is fail to c-o-m-m-u-n-i-c-a-t-e. I'm always harping about the importance of communication. Women seem to want to utterly surprise their guy, getting more and more excited as the surprise day approaches. What you forget is that your guy may be getting more and more excited about other plans that he has been making.

The solution? Simple. Forget utter surprise. Instead, tell him you have something special planned for such-and-such day and leave it that. Tell him to leave it open; that he'll be glad he did. And then make him glad he did. Like I said, simple. What you can't do, although you do, is not say anything, plan away, and then get mad when we have other plans. If seen that recipe for disaster go from a planned wonderful surprise to a surprise break-up for the woman. Remember, you must communicate something, always!

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