S.F. Parenting Examiner

The Citizen Parent: How to teach democracy to your kids

On the day we celebrate our nation’s 232nd birthday, any parent with even a passing interest in current affairs could be forgiven for brooding over the health of the body politic, and in particular the outcome of the upcoming presidential election. After the tumultuous, often ruinous events of recent years--not to mention the simultaneous devolution of political discourse--such mothers and fathers naturally worry about the economic and political prospects their children will face in decades to come.

And they will likely ask themselves, “How can I nurture in my children the skills they’ll need to be able to participate actively in our democracy?” How, indeed, do we teach our children to be small-d democrats, to engage with important social issues, to make their voices heard--not to passively abide by the vagaries of shifting political trends but to play an active role in shaping those trends? What do our responsibilities as parents mean in terms of our role as citizens, and vice versa?

One thing is clear: We can’t assume this work will be done by others. Schoolteachers strive to teach democratic values in social studies curricula, and news media provide an endless panoply of information and analysis. But in the era of constricted education budgets and more-than-abundant “infotainment,” the ratio of data to wisdom has changed, and not necessarily for the better.

Our children need guidance from us if they are to know what’s important, valuable, and worth sticking their necks out for. They need to hear, for instance, that it may be more important to attend (and even speak at) tonight’s city council meeting than it is to find out who will get eliminated on tonight’s episode of “American Idol.”

And so, a few suggestions on connecting the dots between tonight’s fireworks and the fitful, ongoing experiment that is our republic:

Explain the Anthem. Do your kids know why we have fireworks displays on Independence Day? Do you? Discuss this with them; if you need to do a little research first, so much the better--if they’re old enough, do it with your kids.

Talk Politics Over Dinner. Also over breakfast, lunch, snacks, watching TV, listening to music, reading the paper, doing crossword puzzles, etc. And I don’t mean pontificating. I mean discussing: naming issues, providing background on controversies, explaining how you plan to vote (or why you’re having a hard time making up your mind), etc. Then--and here comes the most vital part--ask your children what they think. This simple but often forgotten step teaches them that their opinion, their “vote,” matters. (And if you’re surprised or even concerned by what you hear, the answer is not commanding them to replicate your views, but more dialogue.)

Another key activity is “mediating,” or talking back to, the TV: Rather than simply prohibiting them from watching all controversial programs, let your kids hear you express your views about news and opinions (not to mention behavior) they see on TV.

Be a Model Citizen. Take your kids with you to a school board or city council meeting. Sign up to deliver some “public comment.” Work on your remarks beforehand, and practice them in front of your family. Your kids’ comments could surprise you--and could help make your remarks better.

If they’re old enough, encourage your kids to speak at such meetings too. Years ago I took part in a long campaign by local youth-sports supporters and others to persuade our city to develop more sports fields. I must have attended 50 city council meetings, and for each one, we turned out scores of kids, in uniform, carrying signs and cheering for our “side” and the speakers who advocated it. The most impressive thing I ever saw: a group of local skateboarders, aged 9 to 19, who spoke in favor of our campaign (and the skate park that would be built alongside the fields). Skateboarders are often considered misfits or slackers, but these young citizens were as engaged with the democratic process as anyone else I ever saw.

Most importantly, bring your kids with you when you vote. Make sure they get the message: voting is a thing we do in our family, every time there’s an election.

You can’t guarantee a given election will go the way you like; you can’t even guarantee your kids will share your political persuasion. But you can make sure your children understand that democracy isn’t something that happens to you, but because of you. And if you get that point across, you’ll have done a good day’s work.
 

Topics: new parents , citizenship , democracy , voting , politics

Radio Free Parents: Nurse Rona's excellent parenting program

If you could listen to outstanding parenting authorities live on your radio, call in with your questions or concerns, and get solid, practical advice, you would, wouldn’t you?Well, you can.The always-lively radio program “Childhood Matters”... Read More
Topics: radio , parenting programs , parent education

A sense of wonder: How to keep a child's heart open

The other day I heard from a woman in Tennessee who is the mother of an adorable two-year-old boy. How, she wanted to know, “do I get the kid to keep his heart open?”Here at the Parenting Examiner column, we don’t mess around with the... Read More
Topics: openness , nurture , discipline , karma

The "Green" Parent: Kids and the natural world

These days, among the innumerable things parents have to worry about, concerns about the state of the biosphere surely rank at or near the top. After all, if present trends in environmental degradation  continue, what air will our children breathe,... Read More
Topics: children , nature , ecology , environment

How to be a great parent: I can be one, can't I? Right? (Part 1 of 2)

Some years ago my wife, Michelle, and I took the plunge into parenthood. We’d only been married a few months when she began agitating to start a family. I’d always figured we’d do it eventually, but, you know, just not right now. I... Read More
Topics: parenting , new parents , childrearing , family

How to be a great parent: I can be one, can't I? Right? (Part 2 of 2)

(To read Part 1, click here.)In recent years Michelle and I have watched joyfully as several couples we love dearly became parents. One couple honored us by asking us to be their darling little girl’s godparents. And six months ago, we became grandparents,... Read More
Topics: parenting , new parents , childrearing , family , grandparents