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Why do we stay in bad relationships?
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Are you among the discontented? Not happy in your relationship but eager to offer rationale for staying? Do you find that your partner just doesn’t do it for you anymore? Does work and travel keep the two of you apart or do you simply no longer have anything in common? What do you do when the myriad of excuses for staying no longer compensates or erases the negatives that create unhappiness? Must we maintain a strong commitment to duty, self-sacrifice and loneliness in the namesake of love? How unhappy should we allow ourselves to become before we call it a day?
We have all felt that compelling need to hang around and cling to a relationship or marriage we know isn’t working. We rationalize our decision through excuses that satisfy our sense of guilt and which are most likely to stave off judgment or argument from the outside world. The facts are usually different from most reasoning, however. There is much more than our sense of duty and chivalry that keeps us bound to misery.
In reality our excuses merely help us bury the truth and save face. The truth lies in our own fears and insecurities. We are driven by our fear; afraid of what people will think of us if we go, afraid of being alone, and insecure about our future. Lets face it, relationships do promote dependencies and breaking that cycle is not an easy task. But is fear a viable reason to stay and are we being fair to our partner if we do?
Some couples seek intervention as a last ditch effort to save the relationship, which is admirable as long as it is based in reality. Fixing the problem is always the best resolve, but why beat yourself up if there is no fix for what’s broken? Why prolong the inevitable if it just isn’t going to work? Compromise and alternatives can often be found but would those fixes grasp the root of the problem or simply prove to band-aid the real issues?
Determining the cause of the deterioration and demise of the relationship is important in helping avoid repeating patterns in any subsequent relationships. Growth issues, poor planning, complacency, sexual incompatibility, and life frustrations can all contribute to relationship failure. Ideally we would plan for these problems and know how to deal with them when they arise, but unfortunately, that is not always the case. We avoid that aspect of planning and forget the realities of human nature.
Ultimately, staying in a bad relationship, without resolution, can be damaging to all and ignoring the issues will not bring inner peace. Eventually we have to meet face to face with our realities and are forced to deal with their power and affects. Being lead by fear and insecurity can never offer a positive. It is vital that we regain our power and be in control of our destiny. If your relationship is broken, fix it. If it can’t be fixed then call it done and move on. Adventure waits in every new path.
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