Only the State Is Qualified to Teach You How to Ride a Motorcycle

Someone please answer this question for me: Why in the world would anyone want people too incompetent to understand what causes motorcycle crashes to simultaneously be responsible for things like schooling, warfighting, banking, investing, housing, etc.?

The steady rise in motorcycle crashes has become a top concern of the U.S. Department of Transportation, said Secretary Mary Peters, who broke her collarbone a few years ago when she crashed her Harley-Davidson Road King at 40 mph. A helmet saved her life, she said.

To address the problem, the Transportation Department is developing national standards for entry-level riders and has launched an educational campaign on the importance of wearing helmets and other safety gear. Congress has also become involved, authorizing $2 million for a study of crashes' causes.

And remember, kids: Only the gummint can learn ya what ya need to know to be successful in life. According to Fairfax County (Va.) police motorcycle patrolman Jesse Bowman, no training is sufficiently "formal" unless it comes with a state-sanctioned certificate in tow.

"Many, many motorcyclists never have any formal training of any kind," Bowman said. "So how are they taught? Big brother, dad, the kid down the street. Or they pick the motorcycle up and teach themselves. . . . Then when they get into a jam, they don't have the skill sets."

That's right, we schmolks (schmucks/folks, duh!) know there's only one Big Brother who really counts!