Smoothies-- they're everywhere. For some reason, that troubles me.
I have nothing against the style of drink itself. I think smoothies are an excellent source of nutrition for the ill, the lazy, and people just too on-the-go to be troubled by such time-wasting activities as chewing. They are simple to ingest, simpler to digest.
I am troubled primarily by the name. Smoothie. On the one hand, it's self-consciously cute, which is terribly annoying in and of itself. On the other, more upsetting hand, rests the fact that I can't now help but think, thanks to too much time spent Googling, about an alternative meaning of the word. In nudist terminology, a "Smoothie" is a person who prefers a clean-shaven look. Especially in the nether regions. Further research caused me to examine a photograph of a very happy-looking sixty-something nudist couple whose age-appropriate faces and bodies starkly contrasted their pre-pubescent-looking genitalia. I won't comment further on the photo, but the thought of these two stopping by my place for a nutritious blended fruit beverage caused me great stress-- I was uncertain if I had enough clean towels to put down over the sofa.
Where on earth did these smoothies come from? The beverages, not the nudists-- though that does lead one to wonder about who can claim first use of the name. According to
Wisegeek.com, the proto-smoothie is the
Orange Julius, which first appeared in the 1920s-- decades before the franchise would find its true niche in the yet-to-be-built malls of America.
With the advent of
Fred Waring's blender in 1939, Americans found a new love for puréed items, sometimes called "smoothees". The blender also proved popular for making homemade baby food.
The modern smoothie is said to have been created by a drugstore employee named Steve Kuhnau who, thanks to his own lactose-intolerance, wished to create a milkshake alternative that was both healthy and delicious. He later created the
Smoothie King. Now you know who to thank. Or blame.
I was prompted to wonder about smoothies recently by a friend who finds them rather appealing. In the middle of one of our outings, he wanted to stop by the market and pick up a bottle of flaxseed oil. For his smoothies, he explained. I later found out that he does not yet own a blender, so he uses baby food to get that thick, "smoothie" consistency. Baby food-- which I assume he purchases. For someone who is known to make his own lip balm from scratch, I was unsurprised by his ingenuity, but the thought of him eating baby food struck me as rather comic, if a tad unsettling, because he is neither lazy nor is he lacking any of his adult teeth.
So, with the best of intentions, I've both bought him a blender (photo, top of page) and included a delicious flax-infused recipe to go with it. Enjoy, though I cannot bring myself to call it a, well, you know.
Blended Fruit and Supplement Beverage. 
Ingredients: 1 banana, ripe-ish
the juice of one orange
1/2 cup mango purée
1 scoop vanilla whey protein powder
1 tablespoon flaxseed oil
Procedure: Place all ingredients into blender. Press the "smoothie" button after ensuring the blender lid is firmly in place and the appliance is plugged into a nearby wall socket. Blend until smooth, of course.
Garnish with a sprinkling of whey powder, if you want to use up as much of your $14.99 container as possible, and flaxseeds. Serve with Peanut Butter Muscle Bombs (watch this space for recipe).
Notes: The green hue of the drink is derived from the vanilla whey powder. Since green= health in smoothie circles, it is to be desired.
Serves one.
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