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How to have a happy divorce
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For a happy divorce, you must be willing to bend.
I remember my friends laughing when I told them all I wanted was a “happy divorce.”
To them that sounded as reasonable as demanding a "fun funeral."
But now, aside from my ex’s occasional dinner-time Alzheimer’s, where he somehow remembers to feed himself but not the kids, we actually do have a pretty happy divorce.
I credit this to the following three factors:
1. I’ve become more flexible than an Olympic gymnast. When he calls from five minutes away and wants to see the kids, I let him unless we’re headed out the door with other plans.
2. When I’m angry at him, when possible, I try to confront him in email but do not hit "send" right away. I give myself at least a half hour cooling down period, focus on what I want him to change (remember to bring the car seats). Then I give him a logical consequence. If you don’t have a car seat, you don’t get to see them.
In-person confrontations, especially in the beginning of a separation, often lead to raised voices and scared children. Email avoids these scenarios and allows us to handle our issues more civilly and covertly.
3. Most important to a happy divorce is a good mediator. We used Larry Rosen at Through Understanding. Larry was not only a lifesaver, he was a voice of calm during our most heart wrenching, tumultuous time. He is more counselor than lawyer and offered us countless tools to help us navigate the rest of our years co-parenting our two children after divorce.
I would recommend anyone in the SF Bay Area going through a separation right now contact Larry for mediation. He has offices in San Francisco and Berkeley. He is simply the best.
Call Larry Rosen at: 415-356-9834.
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