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When social etiquette causes anxiety for those with autism
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Navigating the social world is innately learned. Appreciating nuance or idiom comes with the territory as children grow. They learn very early in life, that when the weatherman announces that "it's raining cats and dogs", animals are not falling from the sky.
However, this is not a given for the population living with autism. Social Understanding must be taught, sometimes on deaf ears.
This is a story of a 22 year old guy named Paul. He wants desperately to be included into the typical world. He wants recognition. He wants validation. Paul wears the pain of high functioning autism. He is neither here nor there. He is appreciated by friends and family, but does not know how to talk the talk of social repartee.
Paul knows how to say compliments. When his mother is paying for a book, he waits quietly, a pregnant moment void of conversation. He promptly offers, "You are the best mother in the world, you are my favorite playdate". The salesclerk looks up. She looks down, and smiles. It is the smile of recognition. Something is not quite right.
One day Paul's mother decides to face the "unwritten rules" head on. "You are my favorite Mom", Paul says, a daily ritual. "You know Paul, sometimes it is best to share our personal feelings at home. Think of your siblings. Would they offer that comment? Younger children often speak that way to their parents, but when they grow older they don't."
Paul was quiet. His response was thoughtful. "Sometimes I get anxious and don't want to say anything inappropriate." He is actually fishing for proper conversation, his mother thought. Is there a data base for repartee that is lodged in his brain? Is he doing a search? How rare is this fine tuned young man, who continues to astonish and amaze.
Was a lesson learned? An hour later Paul and his Mother were in a store. He began: "You are the best.....oops....just kidding".
A lesson learned, for mother and son.
