
While I am constantly amazed at the internet for providing me instant access to such precious gems as LOL cats and this, occasionally I will come across a website that leads me to question its usefulness, and, you know, the downfall of humanity. Porn for the Blind is one of those instances, and is as obvious as it sounds. Porn for the Blind is a non-profit that asks volunteers to record audio descriptions of the short clips you see on porn websites so that blind people have access to the smut we all take for granted. This isn’t erotica, mind you, but people narrating what’s going on in each of the clips. Example from Gina’s Big Tittie Tune Up:
She tosses out a question, confirming that he is willing to have sex with her. He replies that he is…The scene shifts as he attempts to insert his penis into her vagina…They proceed to engage in passionate intercourse.
Not to undermine the vision (sorry) of such an enterprising non-profit, but porn is notoriously unimaginative and objective play-by-plays of sexual acts hardly seem worthy of masturbation fodder. Also, it seems mildly insulting to the visually impaired. The website asks when a volunteer is recording a clip to use “only proper anatomical language (male, female, penis, vagina, breasts, etc.).” Since when do blind people need to be protected from the sexual vernacular? This isn’t a medical dissertation. Someone needs to dramatically increase the diameter of whoever’s anus thought that was a good idea. Perineums!
The website itself is catering to a visually bereft audience, as it appears to have been created with DOS: a plain white background is littered with bulleted lists of mp3 clips that you can merely stop and start, no fast forwarding through the lengthy descriptions of the URLs (ayche-tee-tee-pee-colon-forward-slash-forward-slash, etc.) and of the porn websites in which the clips are found, as if anyone cares what the logo or banner of a porn site looks like.
To ad insult to injury, someone narrated the foulest porn clip of all time: 2 girls, 1 cup. For those of you who haven’t heard of this, I am NOT going to describe it. In fact, seeing the NAME ALONE of the clip has caused my face to turn into this:
I…don’t want to talk about it.