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Sermon on The Mount: Sex toys with a higher purpose
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If there’s ever been something that could make an atheist praise The Lord, it’s a really good orgasm. Indeed, sex and religion have bumped uglies on numerous occasions, though usually it’s under the guise of abortion, convincing teenage girls to give their “purity” to their fathers or spending millions of dollars trying to stop two consenting adults from loving one another. Is it that much of a stretch then that someone took the unhappily wedded pair of sex and religion and turned it into a collection of sex toys? This seems especially relevant when you consider that there are references to sex toys in the bible: “You also took the fine jewelry I gave you, the jewelry made of my gold and silver, and you made for yourself male idols and engaged in prostitution with them” (Ezekiel 16:17).
Let me shine the light on Divine Interventions. They are
a small group of artisans who are proud to bring you high-quality, silicone toys, hand crafted and hand colored in small batches by cats, then cured in a microwave that was really meant for heating lunch.
Each toy that Divine Interventions makes is unique, with delightfully tacky monikers like God's Immaculate Rod and the Grim Reaper aka “the little death.” Even more amazing than their silicone carving skills are the descriptions of the dongs themselves.
Jackhammer Jesus: “Jesus was a carpenter, now he’s the power tool.”
Moses: “This old boy can make a rock wet, a bush burn and get the Pharaoh’s entire army in hot pursuit.”
Judas: “Imagine if he could f*ck the Son of God, what he could do to you!”
And lest you think they are pandering only to the likes of Christians, meet Buddha’s Delight: “Now that Nirvana is in reach, grasp it wisely, firmly and with intent!”
So what are you waiting for? Get to know your toys biblically and maybe Divine Interventions will take you to the promised land.
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