He's Just Not That Into You - a marital perspective

February 17, 12:36 AMSeattle Early Marriage ExaminerLacey Kern

Previous Next

2 comments Print Email RSS Subscribe

Subscribe

Get alerts when there is a new article from the Seattle Early Marriage Examiner. Read Examiner.com's terms of use.

Email Address   Include other special offers from Examiner.com Terms of Use

Photo from http://www.hesjustnotthatintoyoumovie.com/

This weekend I managed to convince my husband to go see He’s Just Not That Into You for our Valentine’s Day date, and while we both really enjoyed the movie its messages about marriage were thought-provoking (P.S. – if you haven’t seen the movie and don’t want plot spoilers, stop reading now). The female characters in the movie were all in various stages of relationships, but two of the relationships were clearly pitched as opposite. Jennifer Aniston’s character, Beth, lives with her boyfriend of seven years, Neil, and they are deeply in love but he has no interest in the formality of getting married. Jennifer Connelly’s character, Janine, is married to her college sweetheart Ben who begins cheating on her with a girl named Anna, and the emotional and physical aspects of their marriage are in tatters. The movie ends with Neil proposing to Beth and Janine divorcing Ben. The messages to be gleaned from these two relationships seem to be:

1. It is possible to make a lifelong commitment to someone without being married, but if you’re really committed for life and one partner wants to, why not get married?
2. It’s easy to become lazy and selfish in marriage. In the movie, Beth’s brothers-in-law are portrayed as classic couch potato husbands, in stark contrast to Neil, who is responsible, helpful, and genuine. In the movies it may be the men who are given the bad rap, but in reality it’s just as easy for us ladies to become lazy, selfish, or unloving – those traits aren’t limited to one gender.
3. Lying and cheating hurts everyone. There are relationship therapists who say that a little cheating in a marriage is helpful (I have to wonder if they’ve ever been cheated on), but if you were looking for gut-wrenching example of why that might not be true this movie does a great job. It might be fictitious, but watching the tragedy unfold of Ben cheating on Janine with Anna shows that it wasn’t just Janine who was hurt – all parties involved experienced pain. In those situations, clearly nobody wins.
4. Don’t get married for the wrong reasons. Get married because you love the person and because you’re good for each other; don’t marry someone just because you don’t want to break up. Of all the messages in this movie, this is the most sound advice. Marrying for the wrong reasons, whatever they are, is bound to end in heartache.

This movie really has something for everyone while at the same time dispensing some valuable wisdom, some quite clearly and some much more subtly. While I’m not a movie critic, I would highly recommend it. And if you want something more fruitful than just entertainment, go see it with your significant other and discuss afterward. This might be the starter for gaining some valuable insight into their thoughts about relationship issues.