CNN asks: Is monogamy realistic?

October 29, 12:07 PMIndianapolis Marriage and Sex ExaminerChuck Altmix

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Unless you live in a cave it is no secret that so many politicians and entertainers are exposed for having affairs: David Letterman, Governor Mark Stanford, Governor Elliot Spitzer, former presidential candidate John Edwards, entertainer Jude Law, ESPN’s Steve Phillips, and so many more. This may leave many people wondering if these people, who seemingly have it all, cannot remain monogamous then how can we?

The truth is that infidelity is far from being a new epidemic. It is just so much more out in the open due to exposure in mainstream media. It is everywhere!

The question posed by today’s CNN’s article: “Is monogamy realistic?” is a question that has been debated for many years. Is it truly realistic for two people to get married and remain monogamous for the remainder of their lives? Sadly, the answer may be no. Since the sexual revolution of the 60’s and 70’s, the rate of divorce and remarriage has steadily climbed leading to what is called “serial monogamy”.

Serial monogamy is defined as a succession of short monogamous relationships (as by someone who undergoes multiple divorces) or a lifestyle which provides commitment to one sexual relationship at a time, but implies a regular change of partner.

The simple fact is that there are a wide variety of reasons that contribute to infidelity in today’s society: people grow and change, couples sometimes fall out of love, changes occur in one partner’s sexual desires, programmed genealogy, and as stated in so many of my articles - over time, sexual relationships can become routine and the excitement wears off. And yes, there are many other possible causes of infidelity but these are among the most common.

Even if a couple works diligently to keep the sparks flying in the bedroom, it is still possible for the sparks to fade even if you love your partner wholeheartedly. It is just part of human nature. This may also be the reason why some couples dabble in polyamorous relationships or the swinging lifestyle. They may truly love their partner but are simply looking for the excitement that once existed in their own marriage. One such couple once told me, “Hey, it sure beats cheating”.

Please do not think that I am advocating infidelity. I am simply saying that it may not be realistic to expect a person to remain a virgin until they are married and then expect those two people to stay monogamous and together “till death do they part”. But don’t fret…monogamy may not be realistic but it is certainly possible. There are many couples that stay true to their vows and maintain a successful marriage.

Successful relationships take work:
One of the most important ways for couples to remain monogamous to one another is for both partners to take an active role in keeping their relationship fresh and alive both in and out of the bedroom. If you want to keep your partner’s eyes from wondering then it is important that you are doing all you can to make yourself the greatest sexual and loving partner they could ever imagine. If you are not willing to make things exciting in the bedroom then your partner may begin to look elsewhere for that excitement.

Other things people can do to maintain a successful relationship include: being helpful to your spouse (with the household chores and the kids), taking care of yourself and your appearance (stay healthy), never forget to profess your love and desires to your partner, be complimentary, spend quality time together (get a sitter and go out or get away on occasion), give small gifts on occasion without expectations (a spontaneous single rose or trinket can go a long way).

The keys to a happy relationship include: mutual trust, communication, understanding, tenderness and togetherness. And yes, a bit of earth shattering lovemaking certainly does not hurt either. Be adventurous, make your life together exciting and fun and the odds of maintaining a happy and monogamous relationship greatly increase. 

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