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iPods and Darwinism
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“But Bill Jr, he was a Daredevil, just like his old man. He was leaning out saying "Hey everybody, Look at me! Look at me!" Pow! He was decapitated! They found his head over by the snow cone concession.”–Dead Milkmen
That quote was on a comment board on Fark.com in response to a news story on some idiot 17-year old kid in England who was killed by a train which he didn’t hear. He didn’t hear it because he was tuned out of the world around him and tuned into his iPod.
His cousin was quoted in the article saying, "He was walking home and he had his headphones in. He walked on to the public crossing and he just didn't hear the train coming, and it hit him. "When the police found him he still had his headphones in." Truly, a case of international Darwinism.
In 2007, New York State Senator Carl Kruger introduced a bill to ban the use of iPods and other similar devices while crossing the street. His nanny state legislation was prompted by the deaths of three oblivious iPod wearers who walked out into traffic. One was a 21-year old Brooklyn doofus who walked in front of a bus while wearing his iPod.
The bill was defeated. I applaud the defeat, less on nanny state grounds than by the mere fact the iPod has become a method for modern Darwinism. It’s nature’s way of thinning the herd; weeding out the weak, stupid and clueless. George Carlin put it succinctly when he said, “Maybe the kid who swallows the most marbles shouldn’t grow up to have kids of his own.”
Personally, I haven’t witnessed any Darwinism on the streets of New York, but I have seen him cheated on numerous occasions. In many of those cases, the iPod wearers actually seemed to think it was fault of the vehicle.
After reading the article I wondered, how prevalent are these types of deaths? While not quite an epidemic, these incidents have created enough concern that municipalities around the world have created PR campaigns to warn of the dangers of walking cluelessly into the street.
One such campaign was done by the New South Wales Police Department in Australia which created a series of brilliant print ads which showed dead teenagers in the road wearing their ipods. The tag line was “Watch for cars while wearing headphones.” Yikes.
At the time, the department was watching what would happen with Kruger’s bill, thinking if it passed and it helped, they might try and get similar legislation passed. But State Traffic Commander, Chief Superintendent John Hartley was skeptical of passing such a law. He was quoted in the Sydney Morning Herald as saying, "You can't legislate stupidity - if people are stupid enough to do something that's so distracting they can't see cars coming, that's a problem they need to deal with." Buy that man a beer.
What follows are “semi-tragedies.” By that I mean they contain all the elements of classic tragedies, where protagonists and superior forces have a conflict which results in disastrous conclusions for the protagonists. Where it veers off from the classic is that those conclusions are neither “sorrowful” nor do they elicit pity. What is interesting is that trains seem to have a higher than average representation in the deaths. I always loved trains.
Here are samples of what I found:
Joshua Phillips White, 16, walking on a train track when a freight train hit him from behind.
Calvin Spencer, 14, killed by a train while walking with his head down along some railroad tracks. Witnesses said the engineer repeatedly blasted his horn.
Andrew Haslam, 18, jogged along the train tracks. Didn't hear train's horn or notice people waving frantically trying to get his attention.
Tyler King, 18, hit from behind by a freight train.
Michael Juszkiewicz, 33. Train.
Alan Eaton-Chandler, 17. Train.
Meagan Baillie , 21. Train. International Darwinism. Canada.
Jordan Bell, 14, walked in front of an oncoming car.
Abigail Haythorne, 17, cycled into the path of an oncoming car.
Lisa Moran, 20, jogging. Didn’t stop for traffic. Tripped and fell under a bus.
Perhaps I’m bit harsh regarding the deaths of teens. By their very nature teenagers are idiots. But to get hit by a train? A train? An oncoming car?
It gets better. There are cases of dimwits getting struck by lightning while wearing their iPods. In Canada, the Vancouver Sun reported that a 37-year-old jogger suffered "multiple injuries to his head after ill-advisedly standing under a tree during a thunderstorm while listening to his iPod.” Here’s the best part. The guy was an avid church-goer who was listening to religious music at the time. That’s rich. Darwin felt cheated, but God high-fived him anyway.
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