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Shallow woman won't bear ugly fiance's children
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Dear Lauren: I love my boyfriend. We’ve been together 2 ½ years, and have recently been talking about getting married. He’s kind, a lot of fun, has a good job, and would be a good provider. But there is one big problem: he is not good looking. Not at all. I know how cruel children can be, and I’m afraid that if we have kids, they might look like him and wind up being teased for being ugly. I realize I should’ve thought about this before our relationship got so serious, but truthfully, it never occurred to me until his mother whipped out his baby pictures after a family dinner last week. What am I supposed to do? Mentioning my fear to him would probably hurt his feelings. But, I don’t want to have ugly kids and spend all their school years having to comfort them because they’re being teased. I don’t think I could handle that. Help. –Afraid to reproduce
Dear Afraid to reproduce:
Mentioning your fear to him would probably hurt his feelings??? Ya think???
To answer your question, I am going to refer you to an article I read from manners and morals advice columnist, Dear Prudence, back in March. She answered a similar question…and I couldn’t have said it better myself. Prudence, you hit the nail on the head, girlfriend. Thanks for being so colorfully honest. -Lauren
FROM DEAR PRUDENCE:
How do I tell my boyfriend I think we'd have ugly babies?
Dear Prudence,
My boyfriend and I are in a healthy and loving relationship, and we are beginning to talk about marriage. We both want the same number of kids at the same point in our lives. It is presumed that these will be our biological children. The issue is, I'm not sure that I would want to bear my boyfriend's children. While he is incredibly intelligent and has a great personality, he is markedly less physically attractive than I am. We get occasional lighthearted comments from friends and family about the discrepancy. Having biological children has never been important to me, and I think adoption is great. I believe that he will be an amazing father and that our children, biological or adopted, would be bright and well-behaved as a result of good parenting. Should I bring these thoughts up with him? I think he would be open to the idea of adoption but would also be hurt by my rationale. At what point should we discuss this more seriously, and how should I tell him how I feel? —Skinny
Dear Skinny,
You're wise to avoid the potential tragedy of reproducing with your boyfriend: Your children could get his looks and your personality. Perhaps your boyfriend's already got an inkling of how you feel because of the Leonardo DiCaprio mask you ask him to wear when you make love. And although Brad and Angelina are both fecund and support adoption, I'm not sure they're going to agree to place any of their future progeny with you just to help you avoid the embarrassment of having a child who looks like your boyfriend. I'm trying to imagine how you initiate this discussion with him. Something like: "I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you. But when it comes to having kids, I'm sure that if we adopt we'll have a better shot of having decent-looking ones than if I let you impregnate me with your hideous sperm." That should go over well! What's supposed to happen when you are in love with someone (who also happens to be intelligent and have a great personality) is that you discover, despite objective measures, that person is beautiful to you. Your boyfriend sounds like a catch, so maybe you should toss him back so that he has a chance to find someone who's not permanently stuck in the shallow end.—Prudie
For more info: Get "Dear Prudence" delivered to your inbox each week. Please send your questions for publication to prudence@slate.com. (Questions may be edited.)
Click here to read a transcript of Prudie's live weekly chat with readers at Washingtonpost.com.
Lauren Sharman
romantic suspense author
2006 P&E Reader’s Poll BEST AUTHOR
www.LaurenSharman.com
Looking for tell-it-like-it-is relationship advice? Send me your questions at: AskLaurenAdvice@gmail.com
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