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Woman wants to know why she was dropped by a friend
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Dear Lauren: A friend has recently cut me off. Apparently I offended her, and while I have some idea, I still don't know for sure. She won't talk to me. It's hard to come to terms but I am trying to move on. -Anonymous
Dear Anonymous:
It seems to me that if you felt this friendship was worth saving, you’d be frantically grasping for a lifejacket—searching for a way to mend fences, so to speak.
Is that what you’re doing? If not…you should be. Why? Because defining your recovery from being cut off as ‘coming to terms with’ and ‘trying to move on’, tells me that losing this person has significantly affected you.
Good friends are hard to find, and even harder to keep. Maintaining good relationships with people—friends, family, significant others, etc.—takes work from both parties. Abusing a friendship will eventually destroy it. So will disrespecting someone and not taking their hurt feelings seriously. If actions to try and repair the damage aren’t taken within a reasonable amount of time, people wind up finding themselves with one less name on the guest list for their next party.
The girl won’t talk to you, but have YOU tried to talk to HER? You’re obviously aware that you offended her. If she means something to you, don’t give up. If this situation is truly your fault, you owe it to both your friend, and your friendship, to apologize, admit what you said or did was wrong, and do what you can to fix things.
If you haven’t attempted to make contact because you’re ashamed or embarrassed, it’s time to swallow your pride, honey. Pride is a good thing to have…in moderation. If it keeps you from doing what’s right, not only will you end up the loser every time, but you’ll go through friends faster than an 80’s hairband went through a case of AquaNet.
This becomes a whole different story if you’ve already made an attempt to right your wrong, and your friend still won’t talk to you. If you only tried once, give this girl some time to ponder your peace offering, then try again. If you’ve made at least two good, solid attempts to contact her and she still refuses to have anything to do with you, then be comfortable knowing you’ve done your part. Although we would all love for those who’ve offended us to come crawling back, begging our forgiveness, that’s completely unrealistic. A heartfelt apology from one true friend to another should be all it takes to right a wrong. Sure, it may take some time to get over what was said or done, but if it’s strong enough, the bond between two friends will keep them together.
As sad as it is, if this girl continues to give you the cold shoulder even after your attempts to apologize, then one of two things are true. Either what you said or did was so hurtful and malicious that you don’t deserve to be forgiven, or she wasn’t a true friend in the first place, and you’re right to move on.
Lauren Sharman
romantic suspense author
2006 P&E Reader’s Poll BEST AUTHOR
www.LaurenSharman.com
Looking for tell-it-like-it-is relationship advice? Send me your questions at: AskLaurenAdvice@gmail.com
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