Don't do it...taking sides will land you in the hot seat

November 3, 12:21 PMBaltimore Relationship Advice ExaminerLauren Sharman

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Rabbi Shmuley Boteach and Jon Goesslin
Courtesy of www.imnotobsessed.com

Dear Lauren:  ‘Dick and Jane’, a couple that my husband and I are good friends with, is going through a nasty divorce.  They’ve thrown their teenage kids in the middle, taken pot shots at each other, and are doing what they can to hurt one another.  They are both at fault for the mess their family is in.  Back in September, Jane had a breakdown and decided enough was enough; her emotions couldn’t take the constant fighting and cruelty.  However, Dick turned it up a notch and said and did some horrible things to her.  When several people called him on his actions, he suddenly did an about face and announced he was going into counseling.  Next thing my husband and I knew, we got a call from Dick asking us to take his side because he is now back to ‘normal’ since he’s been in counseling.  Personally, my husband and I don’t want to get involved anymore than we already are.  Dick may be in counseling, but he is definitely not normal.  Does he think that going into counseling automatically erases the horrible things he’s said and done?  What do we say to him? –Stuck in the middle        

Dear Stuck in the middle:

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to once again refer to my favorite dysfunctional couple, Jon & Kate Gosselin.

After hooking up with a woman who was still in diapers when the Berlin Wall fell, and is too young to remember when vinyl records were sold in music stores, Jon Goesslin went wild.  Like a kid in a candy store, he began partying, single-handedly supporting Ed Hardy, and sneaking money out of a joint account he shared with his wife that he’d been ordered not to touch...an account Kate used to pay their family bills and buy groceries to feed their brood.  He treated Kate terribly, made irresponsible decisions, and became the poster child for how NOT to behave.  Forget Kate and her domineering, masculinity-killing personality…Jon Goesslin’s antics have probably scarred his eight being-raised-in-the-public-eye children for life.

After all that, he simply said he was sorry, and asked to be forgiven for his behavior because he’s now being counseled by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach…spiritual advisor to none other than (drum roll, please) the late Michael Jackson.  Forget forgiveness...that just makes me want to take a shower. 

What does all this have to do with your question?  The answer is that Dick and Jane don’t sound much different from Jon and Kate.  Sure, your friends aren’t living their lives under the microscope of the public eye.  But both of them did things to hurt each other, which in turn, undoubtedly hurt their children.  Kate had a breakdown, and so did Jane.  Jon decided to changes his ways and get counseling, just like Dick…and both expect to be forgiven simply because they asked.  I don’t know if Jon asked specific people to take his side—but assume he might have—as Dick did to you and your husband.

You asked if I think Dick expects to be forgiven just because he’s gone into counseling.  It appears that way.  The man is delusional if he thinks people will forgive and forget that easily.  To answer your question about what to tell Dick in response to his take-my-side request…that one’s a no-brainer.  Do NOT take sides.  Do NOT get anymore involved than you already are.  Dick and Jane’s private life is their problem, not yours.  What if you take Dick’s side, support him, turn your backs on and badmouth Jane, and then the two of them make up?  You and your husband will not only look like fools, you’ll also be out two friends.  Neutral…remain neutral. 

Since I’m not friends with Dick and Jane and I will take sides, and say that I hope Jane has herself a good lawyer, because it sounds like Dick is certainly living up to his name.

Lauren Sharman
romantic suspense author
2006 P&E Reader’s Poll BEST AUTHOR
www.LaurenSharman.com

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