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From priority to option, friend is fed up
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Dear Lauren: One of my best friends is ALWAYS canceling our plans. It doesn’t matter if we make them two days, or two weeks in advance. She always cancels at the last minute. I love her, but I’m tired of being treated like I’m not important. What I really want to do is chew her out, but I refuse to stoop to her level. She probably wouldn’t get it anyway. What’s a better way to handle this? -Diana
Dear Diana:
One of the most frustrating things about having friends is that at some point, they’re all going to disappoint you. It’s one of those can’t-do-anything-about-it facts of life.
The difference is that some of them will do it once, apologize, and never do it again. Others will do it over and over with no regard for your feelings whatsoever. Those particular disappointers may or may not realize what they’re doing. Unfortunately, the disappointee always notices, and with every incident, their feelings are hurt more than the previous time.
In situations like this, my initial advice is always for you to talk to your friend and tell her how you feel. However, because she’s a repeat offender, I’m thinking that the two of you are way past the talking-about-it stage. And chances are, you’re right…she probably wouldn’t get it, anyway, so why waste your breath.
If I were you, I’d stop making plans with this friend. That’s not being mean or vindictive on your part; it’s salvaging your self respect. Continuing to allow this girl to dangle the chocolate in front of your face and then snatch it way at the last second is bad, bad, bad. It tells her that YOU don’t even think you’re important. Don’t let her walk all over you, Diana. It’s time to put your foot down.
You don’t have to stop being friends with this girl. In fact, since you never seem to do anything together anyway, your relationship won’t even change. The only difference will be that instead of feeling unimportant, you’ll feel proud…of yourself…for taking control, putting yourself at the top of your own priority list, and telling the world, “I’m worth more than that.”
For more info: Friendships are the soap opera of life
Lauren Sharman
romantic suspense author
2006 P&E Reader’s Poll BEST AUTHOR
www.LaurenSharman.com
Looking for tell-it-like-it-is relationship advice? Email your questions to: AskLaurenAdvice@gmail.com
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