I Am Female, Therefore I Rationalize

1 comment

Descartes would be proud of my insightful and philosophical thinking. Like many of my sisters, when it comes to rationalizing something … anything … I’m a pro. My friend Karyn (who is so good, she could teach) calls it justification. Tomato … ta -mah-toe … potato … pa-tah-toe - it still boils down to women having the uncanny ability to talk ourselves into anything.

 

In the international female language, the definition of a true friend is one who will rationalize on your behalf instead of opting to bring you back to reality … that’s what a man does. And, a man does so because he can’t see the rationale of our rationalizations, which in turn begs the question, “Why do we care?” We’re still buying those shoes!

 

Here’s how it works.

 

Shoes. Of course you’ll wear those again! Who wouldn’t wear those 4” high-heels that were designed by a drag queen with too much time on her hands? After all, those hot pink feathers hanging off the tips of the toes are fashionable these days. You’ll be the only one at next week’s corporate party wearing something so cutting-edge and unique. You want to make a statement to the boss don’t you? Besides, they’ll go with everything in your closet.

 

Hey, look at that! It’s the matching purse! Yippy! You just have to have that. The purse may be a bit more expensive, but it’ll last longer than the cheaper one, so really, it’s an investment. And, if you’re going to make a statement, you have to have the purse so it balances out the whole look. Besides, you’re not just getting one look. You can also wear the shoes with those cute pink pants you bought last year … you remember … those pretty summer Capri pants that will fit really well after you lose five pounds? And, you’ll be able to make the entire ensemble go from summer daytime to evening BBQ by just adding the purse. You know, those shoes cost more at the other store and you’re saving a lot, so the purse really is free if you think about it.

 

Are you following me, here? No? You must be a man. Try and keep up.

 

SALE = automatic qualification for rationalization. 

 

Clothes. It’s a universal female truth that any piece of clothing regardless of price or practicality can be rationalized as long as the want is there. If it’s on SALE, that means justification is a no- brainer. If the original price is $100 and it’s on sale for $50, then you can buy two! Or, if it’s on sale for 30% off, then you can still buy two because you just saved 30% on one. 

 

It’s simple math. Keep reading.

 

Does my butt look big in these jeans? No! They’re a little tight in the hips, but not bad. With that diet you’re on, you can lose five pounds quickly. Hell, you’ll be sitting in those jeans in less than a week. You might as well buy two because when you buy two, the second pair is half off! They’d be real cute out dancing with those drag queen shoes you bought with the pink feathers. Oh, and I saw the most stunning short jacket that would work with those jeans, and it almost matches that purse! You can also wear the jacket to work if you couple it with your plain dress slacks. The studs down the arms aren’t too flashy for work, and it really doesn’t cost that much considering you’re getting several uses out of it. You could wait until next week when the jacket goes on clearance, but it may not be here or they may not have your size, and you probably won’t save enough to cover the cost of gas to come out here again, so you might as well just get it now.

 

Gentlemen … just smile and nod. We’ll do the same for you next time you’re in Home Depot with that silly look on your face or drinking beer and eating those low-calorie nachos during a Broncos game.

 

A little extra “bonus” insight – the single woman’s mantra: I don’t have a man to buy it for me, so I have to sacrifice the necessities from time to time in order to treat myself like the princess that I am. I deserve it!

 

Now, my fake nails are not a treat; they’re a work necessity, and I have to look professional at work. Besides, it really doesn’t cost that much. If I buy the $30 eye cream instead of the $85 eye-cream, then I’ll save enough to pay for my monthly rebase on the nails, so I’ll go ahead and surrender the more expensive eye cream even though I’m not getting any younger and that $85 stuff has retinol, which will really help me with those fine lines … ummmm …if I buy the $85 stuff when it’s on SALE and pick up two bottles, then I’ll save in the long run. It’s worth it because I definitely don’t want to have fine lines when that handsome man I went out with three weeks ago calls. I’m sure he’s not calling because he’s busy. Maybe I was supposed to call him. I think I was! Damn, I better call him; he probably thinks I’m not interested.

 

Sometimes, even I think we need to quit while we’re ahead.