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Sarah Paige
Denver Female Logic ExaminerSarah writes humor from the perspective
of
a single woman over forty who isn't afraid to laugh
out loud and poke fun at her own gender, as well as
the silly differences between men and women. No
subject is taboo!
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Just Exactly What is a Power Bra?
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by Sarah Paige, Denver Female Logic Examiner
Insert photo caption or credit here
An excerpt from the book of mom: “Make no mistake about it; every woman should have a power bra. It’s a woman’s calling; her signature even if nobody sees it, which for all our sakes, I hope never happens (wink, wink). Now, bend forward, wiggle and lift.”
God love my mother. This life rule is one of many from the book of mom. And, since it’s the most important, it necessitates sharing.
Every woman knows that a girl’s first bra signifies a right of passage and is an event she will vividly remember for all time. If she survives her coming of age experience and can tell the tale without tears, then she’s “arrived” and has earned the right to wear a power bra (insert Helen Ready music here). The memory of my first bra is crystal-clear, and the memory of my first power bra is even clearer.
After my older sister’s disastrous journey into undergarment womanhood, there was no way I was going to repeat it. My sister is three years older and was taken for her first bra by our grandmother. Now, it warrants explanation that Grandma had a voice that could melt paint off a wall three states away. Holding my sister’s hand, Grandma waltzed up to an attractive younger guy in the men’s department of a local store, pointed at my sister’s chest and said (in that voice), “Do you have a bra that would fit her?” There wasn’t a hole big enough to swallow my sister and her agony!
So, when Grandma was visiting a few years later and insisted that it was time for me to get a bra, I did what every young girl about to embark on womanhood would do … I hid in my closet. Yes, that’s true. My mother found me hovering tear stained and with a look of complete sympathy, she agreed to buy my first bra and bring it home. Whew! I avoided the Grandma experience, wiped my eyes and started choreographing my I’m-so-slick gloating dance for my sister.
Note: If I were that lucky, I’d have nothing to write about or tell my therapist … I continue.
As promised, Mom brought home my first bra. I went back into the safety of my closet and put it on. However, when I came out to show mom and Grandma, tears threatened and with mature womanly control, I bellowed, “I have cone boobs!” (Madonna had yet to make that a good thing.) Grandma solved the problem by telling me to bend forward and wiggle my breasts into the cups. “It will fill out the cups and soften that pointy look,” she said (no doubt our Wyoming neighbors heard). What’s truly sad is that wasn’t the agonizing part. While I attempted her suggested maneuver, Grandma reached inside the cup and pulled my breast upwards, then repeated the boob positioning maneuver on the other side and patted both in an attempt to adjust the final appearance while simultaneously leaning back to assess her handiwork.
Speechless … horrified ... stunted growth...
Yes, my sister and I have been bonded for life in first bra experiences. So, when my mother told me it was time for my first power bra, I wasn’t so enthusiastic. I had visions of cone boobs of steel.
Thankfully, I was wrong, and my power bra shopping experience went a long way towards healing the memories of that first bra episode. At age 18, with my first job interview in a real office looming, mom emphatically declared that it was time for my first power bra!
Before allowing that to happen (and after looking behind me to make sure Grandma wasn’t hovering close by), I had to ask in a soft whisper, “Mom, just exactly what is a power bra?”
She smiled, winked and told me to get into the car. I know … experience told me to be afraid … very afraid, but I had to admit that I was more intrigued than frightened and am happy to report there was nothing to fear.
In the department store, Mom explained that the power bra is the female version of a man’s power tie, only better.
Red … lace … under wire … sexy!
“Why do you think men wear red ties? Because a red tie says, ‘I’m powerful; I’m in charge!’” She went on to explain that in a woman’s case, however, nobody knows she’s wearing it except her, which is an added bonus and much to her advantage because it gives her the empowering feeling of having a delicious little secret. When wearing a power bra, a woman says to herself, “You’re powerful! You’re in charge!” and, those feels are then translated to the world through her demeanor. Instinctively, a woman wearing her power bra will stand taller. She’ll throw her shoulders back. She’ll have a sly look of confidence and a barely detectable lift to her lips.
The best part of wearing a power bra is: it makes a woman feel secure in an insecure moment.
Mom then paid for my first power bra. Oh, and, I got the job.
Mom’s philosophy has been tried and proven true by the many women in my family. We agree … a woman can handle anything life throws her way as long as she’s wearing her power bra.
Job interview? Power bra.
First sexual experience? Power bra.
Contract negotiations? Power bra.
Broken heart? Power bra.
Giving birth? Power bra.
Seeing your sister after putting her first bra experience in print and on the Internet? Power bra. And, in this case, the matching power panties probably aren’t a bad idea either.
~~~
TIP: Ladies, the Maidenform outlet store at the Castle Rock Outlet Shops has a fantastic selection of bras at extremely reasonable prices.
Also, don’t be shy about finding the right size. Not sure? Be fitted by a professional or take the LifeScript online bra size quiz.
Topics: women , humor , mothers , female humor , health products , women's health , Beauty , men , men's humor , bras , lengerie , intimates
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