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Sarah Paige
Denver Female Logic ExaminerSarah writes humor from the perspective
of
a single woman over forty who isn't afraid to laugh
out loud and poke fun at her own gender, as well as
the silly differences between men and women. No
subject is taboo!
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Showing entries for Category: bathrooms
The Ladies Room is Our Mothership
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by Sarah Paige, Denver Female Logic Examiner
An executive in my office was the speaker for a conference last week. After the first break, I pulled him aside and said, “You’re talking too fast and need to clarify the questions you’re asking participants to answer.”
“How do you know that?” He whispered.
“I went to the bathroom.” In my mind, that said it all, but he stood there with that male look of total confusion. I could see the quizzical mystification swirling in his mind and gleefully watched him stew to the point of disorientation for about ten seconds. When I thought he could take it no longer, I let him off the hook by answering his perplexing mind-numbing questions with another question: Do you want to know why women can’t go to the bathroom alone?
That garnered the “uh?” response, but I ignored it and continued.
And the answer is: We can, but why? Where’s the fun in that? The bathroom is communications central…our mothership.
There are websites dedicated to ladies room banter. It’s why the women’s bathroom is more luxurious then the men’s bathroom. It’s where we get and give all the answers. It’s where we listen to all the other ladies talk about their lives, sex, the moment at hand, the men they love or despise, sex, glass ceilings, demanding bosses, sex, murder plots, hair salon prices, sex, shoe wars, make-up and complexion quick fix tricks, sex, shopping secrets, job openings, bargains, sex, etc. You name it; you’ll hear it in the ladies bathroom.
It’s my belief that this ritual started back with the first female cavewoman who had to knock on the stall door and ask the furry stranger next to her for toilet paper. There’s nothing that brings women together faster than doing that fidget dance in the proverbial endless line only to end up stuck in the stall with no toilet paper. You’re at the mercy of the high heels in the next space and usually start your request with a silent prayer that she isn’t a conservationist who think one single-ply paper square is enough. Either way, it starts with a tentative knock on the stall wall and a pensive “excuse me?” Then, after all is said and done, the discussion continues in front of the mirror with, “I hate being stuck, don’t you?” or “Cute shoes!” or “Fabulous cut! Who does your hair?”
The ladies bathroom is where friends go to make sure the guy that just hit on them really is handsome. It’s where our true friends tell us to take off the beer-goggles because the drunken drooling man isn’t attractive and no, you can’t take him home with you. It’s where we hide-out until the creep stalking us leaves the bar; it’s where we discuss how romantic and attractive our man can be when he holds our chair or opens the door for us. It’s where we go to cry, storm in anger, vent and hug our friends for always being with us no matter what.
What’s the point of all this? Gentlemen, it’s to answer your question and alleviate the frustration you feel when the woman you’re with leaves the table and takes forever in the bathroom. The ladies bathroom is our sacred place, and you can’t win, so just take a deep breath and be patient.
Guys, let me put this sacredness in terms you can understand … while you know you shouldn’t, you can’t help getting a little internal twinge when a woman walks into the power tool department of Sears or when your wife goes to the garage to get a screwdriver out of your toolbox. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter and most of you probably don’t care, but you just can’t help it … it’s your territory. And, the worse thing is to have your territory infringed upon with time constraints and demands from an outsider. Well, we have the same feeling about our bathrooms. Don’t try to synchronize your watches when we get up to go. Just count your blessings that we’re asking other women (and not you) if our butts look big in these pants or if our shoes match our outfit or if our new highlights are too platinum blond for our complexion.
Order another drink and get comfy because we’re going to be a while.
*Ladies, find and rate the best bathrooms in Colorado! We know it’s all about us.
Topics: women , humor , female humor , Beauty , men , bathrooms , men's humor
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