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Relationships after trauma - Women survive father's abuse and son's violence
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How does a person survive a traumatic experience that destroys the world he or she has always known? Many people in this world have been victims of some form of unthinkable violence. Most of use cannot even fathom that such evil and malevolence exists, and certainly not within our own beloved family.
Two women have recently spoken out about unthinkable violence within their own families. Susan Klebold, the mother of the now infamous Dylan Klebold, has now spoken openly about the impact of her son's violent murder spree at Columbine High School in Colorado ten years ago. On April 20, 1999, Dylan Klebold and his high school friend, Eric Harris, set out to complete their systematically orchestrated massacre of unsuspecting students at Columbine High School. They managed to murder 12 students, one teacher, and leave 24 others injured before ending their own lives.
Susan Klebold writes that "she had 'no inkling' of her son's inner turmoil...." She also talks about being "haunted by the horror and anguish Dylan caused" and that she "cannot look at a child in a grocery store or on the street without thinking about how [her] son's schoolmates spent the last moments of their lives." Whether it is true or not that the mother of this boy whose life ended in horrendous violence really had no idea that her son was so disturbed and really believed she had provided for him a normal and loving home, once the violence occurred, she could no longer make such claims without a sense of shame and wonder.
Susan Klebold says, "Dylan changed everything I believed about myself, about God, about family, and about love." Sounds like the words of a trauma victim. Regardless of Susan Klebold's level of good parenting before that fateful day, her life made sense to her and seemed to be okay. Although she, herself, was not physically harmed and her physical body remained intact, the emotional scars of such an unforgiving trauma can never be fully removed.
Susan Klebold speaks about her son's violence
Carmina Salcido was just three years old when her father went on a murder rampage that killed her two sisters, her mother and left her to spend 36 hours in a garbage dump with a slit throat. How does a child recover from such a horrendous act of violence? She pleaded with her father, Ramon Salcido, "Papa, Please don't cut me."
Somehow, miraculously, Carmina was found alive and has lived to tell her tale in a recently published book Not Lost Forever: My Story of Survival. Her traumatic existence did not end, even after being adopted by a religious couple in Missouri. She claims that "when she was a teenager, her adoptive family told her she was on a road to hell," that she was no better than her crazy father and that she "had demon blood running" in her. Carmina left this family to live in a convent but did not last there very long and ended up in a home for troubled teens. At 23 years old, Carmina Salcido currently grooms pets and says she wants to be the opposite of the people who have been closest to her.
Carmina Salcido survives her father's violence
How does someone survive traumas such as these two women have experienced? And is survival enough? What can be done to transform one's view of the world? How can one restore a faith in God or a higher power that offers solace in difficult times? And how can one create satisying and intimate relationships with others?
Traumatic memories are stored within body cells. Without outward expression and emotional catharsis, those memories and emotions may be locked inside indefinitely, triggered by situations and events that mimick the original traumatic situation. Counseling can help a person to sort through the confused and intertwangled thoughts and emotions. Body therapy can help one release the physical tensions and holding patterns that were set in place at the moment the trauma occurred. But nothing can erase the memory. Nothing can bring back the innocence, perhaps the innocent denial that something was wrong and needed changing.
Trauma instigates an existential dilemma that exists for most of us at some point in our lives. What is the purpose of life? Why am I here? What am I here to do? Why has my life happened the way it has? And is there some important purpose, some goal, something I can personally do to help others either avoid or cope with the types of problems I have encountered?
These are some of the questions that can help women like Susan Klebold and Carmina Salcido renew their life spirit and develop a sense of belonging, purpose and value in this world. In the end it is not what happens to us but what we choose to do about it that creates the rest of our life.
Consultation: http://budurl.com/Wellness or http://budurl.com/Reawakening.
Ebook: http://budurl.com/lovetouchhealebooks.
Create Healing and Love Now: http://budurl.com/Createloveheal.
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