Dudley's Mailbag: July 2009

July 14, 1:22 AMLife in the Cubicle ExaminerDudley B. Dawson

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General Drake was perhaps the finest Postmaster
General the world has ever seen.  Rumor has it that
his mustache, and only his mustache, would deliver
mail on Sundays.

Over the past month, the comments section in Life in the Cubicle is beginning to attract a healthy number of anti-Dudley B. Dawson commenters.  I'm not sure what happened -- perhaps it's the increase in LinkedIn users viewing my articles, or perhaps I'm just an icehole.  Whatever it is, it's fantastic.  Here are some of the best comments over the last few weeks:

In response to Cubicle 101: How to sneak out of work early

"This article is reprehensible. It shows yet another reason jobs are going overseas. We are one of the best paid workforces in the world but many whine and cry about having to actually work for their pay. Many are struggling to find or keep jobs and you're suggesting ways to game the system. I hope you get fired." (1st comment)

"Jenny- If you honestly think this is only a joke, that there aren't plenty out there that don't already do this or that there aren't some reading it as a "How to"; you are far more naive than you accuse me of being." (2nd comment)
- Dean

Dean, I know it's hard for you to understand this, but it would be fantastic if I got fired.  But I don't have to worry about that.  They don't replace people like me.  They replace people like you.  The people that provide no other value than working hard.  It's easy to find cheap, hard working labor.  In fact, that's pretty much what you get with overseas labor.  You tell them where the flag is and they run really fast in the wrong direction because they don't know what a flag is.  Besides, it's impossible to find another Dudley. 

In regards to your second comment, let's say the article isn't a joke, and let's assume 99% of people sneak out of work early.  Now let's look at your comments.  You still with me?  Ok.  Now you know why your employees sneak out early.


In response to Cubicle 101: Should I add MBA after my name?

"I'm a high school student and I can do your job Dudley B. Dawson. "
- Frank

Frank, let's not kid ourselves.  You are ill-equipped for any job involving analysis.  All you've demonstrated thus far is a complete misunderstanding of the argument, and that you lack a sense of humor.

At no point did I argue that my job cannot be done by a high school student.  In fact, the majority of jobs available in the United States could employ anyone between the ages of 5-12.  The difference is that most people don't add a BS certification after their name to try and hide the fact that a high schooler could do their job.  Unfortunately you missed that point, and proved that you are far less employable than a 12 year old.


In response to Dear Dudley: Mandatory volunteerism (mandateerism)

This could spawn a whole new dictionary of words with mandate being the prefix. For instance, churches often have mandated donations. Mandonations has been born.
- Jeff

Agreed Jeff.  There could be an entire dictionary of words using mandatory as its prefix.  Like "mandasex" - when your wife or girlfriend doesn't really "wanna do it" but they do it anyway because it's mandatory.  High five!

In response to Cubicle 101: How to get outside during work

"As a manager, I take offense to the notion that I do not want to work outside. In my dept, we try to have a little fun on a Friday during the summer, and go outside for the lunch break. I live for those days. I think my dept really appreciates the effort that I put in to make those days fun."
- M. Rawling Billings

No need to response as loyal readers are always read to fill the void:
"M. Rawling Billings, do you have a hand bell that you ring when their half hour of fun is up?"
- M. John Wolf

In response to Dear Dudley: Is that hot coworker actually ugly?

"And never underestimate the power of flourescent lighting."
- Susan Rienzo, Transplants to Phoenix Examiner

Susan, that is so big of you.

"Jill" - multiple articles

Jill gets her own special section.  She is a commenter that went on a rampage one night and continues to leave comments on the majority of my articles.  She is either fake or a  lunatic, either way it's rather interesting  Next time you are reading an article, just check for Jill.

In response to The seven habits of highly effective slackers

"This is unbelievable. People that work this way are usually found out sooner rather than later and then wonder why they got fired. If you see yourself in this article have fun looking for your next job in this economy. You're hired to do a job. If you spent as much effort doing your job instead of thinking up ways to work the system you'd still be done in less than 40 hours and would likely make more money so you can afford your time off. "
- Dianne

Dianne - Believe it.  The truth is that you'll wonder why you were laid off and the slacker wasn't.  If you are the type of person that replies in disgust to an article like this, and you use "in this economy" in your comment, chances are you are completely inept.  I can wash my toilet everyday or I can get a 2000 flushes and save myself some time.  You are the person brushing your toilet with a toothbrush.  I'm a 2000 flushes guy.  2000 Flushes doesn't "work the system".  It cleans it with very little work while you get fecal matter all over yourself.

In response to The seven habits of highly anal coworkers

"What's wrong with being anal? I wear that badge with pride, albeit the badge is first shined and double-checked to make sure it's exactly perpendicular to my shoulder blades. Being an organized person is an important quality that employers seek, as "anal" is usually a sign of being "efficient". So what if I insist that my project folders are always organized from left to right? They simulate the progression through the project life cycle and I always know where to find things. Certain colleagues could waste days looking for a folder in their rat holes. And who can comfortably use their the phone if it isn't exactly one arms length away on the right-side of your keyboard? Besides, that location makes it easier to multitask, as I'd rather finish doing what I'm doing than answer your phone call. "
- Jen

Being organized can be a sign of efficiency if used appropriately.  There is organized, and then there is anal.  Organization can be efficient.  Anal just hurts.

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