Replanting after divorce

April 16, 7:13 AMSeattle Divorce Support ExaminerH.M. Weimar

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Since it is the beginning of spring and people are planting I thought it would be a good time to talk about how to plant your feet again after a divorce. People have a difficult time with this because things seem to be moving so fast or they are so overwhelming.

The first thing you need to do is learn to make list of things. Even if you have never been a list kind of person you can still learn to do it. At this time in your life please do not leave it up to your brain to hold all this information. There is way too much going on around you and you need your brain to take care of the emotional you not the overwhelmed you. Try to list things in order of priority. If you find out later that one thing is more important than another that is ok. You can always number them later.

After you have your list, no matter what the priorities are, find things on there that might be simple to take care of. Don’t take care of them yet, just find them. This is stuff you want to save if you can for in between the harder stuff. That way you are not dealing with hard stuff the whole time or putting off the hard stuff because there is too much of it.
Like I said above, the hard stuff, you want to chop it up so you are not on the phone with attorney, bill collectors or long phone calls all day. Pick your number one priority and get that done first. Then pick a small one afterwards. Keep going down your list until you can’t take care of anymore that day or you run out of time.

You will find that these list will help you get stuff out of the way and each time you check something off there is the gratification that it is done. After you have learned to make and use your lists then you can move on to the emotion planting you need. You will have less in your life to consume your time, you can work on you.

How do you work on you? Well, please don’t go out and buy a bunch of self-help books. People will probably be mad at me for that one but you really need to look at you. What your needs are and how you are going to find a way to fulfill those yourself. So you want to figure out what you are lacking the most that you need. We are going to head back to the list option and repeat the steps but on the list we need to write needs and wants in two different columns. You really want to think about what you are putting on these two lists too. Is what you need something that should really be on the want side? Think about it. I know that I would like companionship but right now is something that I need or something that I want. I don’t really need it, I can live without it and I just like it. So companionship would actually belong on the want side instead of the need side. After you have made this list it won’t be easy to check off but you will have a better understanding of where you are and what your needs are so you can take care of that.

Each day that you accomplish something you will start to feel better and better about moving forward. You will feel that you have motion. That your feet are finally planted on the ground and you are getting somewhere. Come back and tell us how you are doing. Comment below and let us know that you were here or email me at hmweimar@yahoo.com. We would love to hear from you.