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Positive effects of divorce
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It seems that divorce brings a cloud of negative rain over the people who are involved. I would like to take an article to point out the positive changes that divorce can bring to lives, whether you want it or not. I'd like to share some of the changes happening to people who read my column and send me emails. If you would like to share yours please feel free to comment below or email me at hmweimar@yahoo.com.
Kristin- 24 years old
"When I got married at 18 years old, I was told by so many people that this marriage was bad idea. He wasn't very good to me and we got married because I was pregnant. Last year when he decided to walk on me, I thought they were all right. That everything they had said was true. But now, a year later, I look back and realize that the marriage was a bad idea, that part was true. But what I got out of the divorce, my child, my life, the experiences, it didn't ruin me. It didn't make the rest of my life bad. It doesn't mean that I'm just another single mom. It means that I am smarter now; it means that I know what I don't want. I know next time I think about getting married I'm going to take it more seriously and look at it differently. I know what married means now. So the divorce ended up being a good thing, because now I've got another shot at being where I should be."
Mike- 37 years old
"When I found out that my ex-wife wanted a divorce I was totally devastated. I didn't even see it coming. I worked so much that I didn't see anything at all. I know that is part of the reason she left. I blamed myself for all the problems in the marriage and it didn't really help that she did too. I fell into depression, locked myself in my new apartment and when I did get to see my kids I never really took them anywhere. They just sat in there with me. It got to where they didn't even want to come over and spend time with me. No one wanted to spend any time with me. Friends even tried to help, even my ex tried to help. I was so devastated I gave into everything in divorce. I didn't fight for anything, felt I didn't deserve it. The divorce literally broke me. One day I was walking into the grocery store and one of those panhandlers stopped me and asked me for some change. I almost turned around and went off on him. But I caught myself. Instead of telling him to get a real job I asked him why he didn't have one. As I stood there waiting for an excuse listening to his story I realized how remarkably similar his story was to mine. He had gone through a divorce and fell into the same depression I had afterwards. It made me realize where I was I headed, that not caring and blaming myself was actually more devastating to me than the loss of the family. I started looking for help and ran into your article on divorce and grieving and realized I was stuck in that. I wasn't letting it go, I wasn't moving forward. I found a counselor, started talking about how I was feeling, and started opening my curtains. Made myself get out of bed on my day off. Took my kids to the park, took them camping. No matter how I was feeling that day I got up and did something. Sitting here at the end of doing something I can tell you that it is still devastating that I didn't see it before. All the time I lost sucks, but now after learning what I did, I much more prepared for other things that hit me in my life. I look at the whole world differently when things happen. I realize that situations are temporary its how we deal with them that are lasting. The divorce may have made me unhappy but it was one of the best things that ever happen to me. I deal with everything better now."
Devon- 46 years old
"I was married for 15 years to the love of my life. I adored her, still do, I always will. When she left I thought I was going to die. We did try counseling for a bit but while in counseling we both realized that it was never going to work. From the minute we got married we were both headed in opposite directions. We had an agreeable divorce, didn't fight over the kids, we decided everything together. It wasn't costly. She is still my best friend and I love her. But being in two different homes, heading in the directions we want to, doing what we had planned, not holding each other back, this is much better for the kids. We aren't fighting; we don't tug and pull at each other trying to get what we want. The kids see us happy; they will grow up and know you can be happy. They will grow up and be adults who make better decisions because they see us discuss our options for them without the bitterness and tension between us. You could actually say that this divorce saved our family so to speak. We do family things together, she even brings her boyfriend, or if I have one, I bring my girl friend and we all get along. After all the negative talk about divorce and the things that can happen, I feel very blessed to have my ex and the relationship we have."
More About:
Broken Marriages ·
Divorce ·
Moving On ·
Healing ·
Separation ·
Letting go ·
Support ·
Forgiveness ·
Renewal ·
Faith ·
Relationships ·
Life ·
Relationship problems ·
Marriage ·
Couples ·
Resolution
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- The Arc of Seattle and King County ~ community based services.
- Seattle Women’s Commission ~ informative links
- Military Divorce in Washington ~ connects you with the right people
- The Northwest Justice Project ~ free legal advice and referrals
- The Neighborhood Family Clinic ~ Tacoma
- Tacoma Courthouse Facilitator ~ (253) 798-3627
