Stay at Home Dads: The Unintentional Feminists

8 comments

May 9, 10:37 AM

by Joe Schatz, Parenting Examiner

 

 

Issues With Kids and Corporations:

One thing that I have noticed from staying home is that I have become acutely aware of how women are treated in society from my three daughters to my awesome wife.  Things like clothes choices for toddler girls to Bratz dolls make me look at how society's attention is focused on girls and how they look more than anything else.  Looks, popularity and money are over emphasized and brains, sincerity and hard work are overlooked.  I remember shopping for my oldest daughter when she was five and about to play her first year of basketball.  I eventually resigned to buy her boys clothes  since stores, apparently, did not think girls younger than 7/8 played sports.  Boys have sweat pants, mesh shorts & tops in the 18 month size: girls have lacey dresses, flower covered jean shorts and cutesy overalls seemingly everywhere you turn, but no athletic gear.  Granted, I did not try all the stores in the greater tri-state area, but from canvassing Dicks Sporting Goods, Target, Walmart, Kids 'r' Us and the local mall I began to see that the trend wasn't favorable.  My girls deserve cool clothes for sports even though they are just girls.  I admit I buy boys clothes for my girls, is that wrong?  Kids don't understand the drama being played out by marketing campaigns and big wig executives and they don't care.  Kids just want what they want and they want it now, like a fresh diaper or a fruit roll-up for instance. I may be over sensitive but I think girls are pigeon holed from early on.  

My Wife and Work: 

Now, as far as my wife is concerned, it has been a long road for her to get to where she is now in her career.  She is not the type of lady that settles.  I strongly believe there are many other women that are just as talented or even, dare I say, more talented but perhaps less assertive and because of this they may be overlooked or just lower down on the list when it comes time to promote.  I feel that since most places of employment are run by men, women need to be twice or three times as assertive as their male counter parts to be noticed.  Women aren't going to talk about last night's game or go golfing with their male co-workers as often as other men will, which just illustrates the idea that it is easier to unintentionally run a boys club and forget about the lovely ladies.  My wife has been fortunate to be in a work environment where she is taken seriously despite the fact that she is in a male dominated industry.  It is a shame that women are still paid 80cents to every $dollar$ a man makes in a similar position. 

Role Reversal: 

Seven years into our arrangement of me staying home with the kids and other strange things have begun to happen that have broken sexual stereotypes between my wife and I.  I have become adept at shopping and over shopping whereas my wife hates the idea of going to the store on a routine shopping trip--I thrive in it.  Also, my wife is horrible at disinfecting surfaces and really doesn't have a clue how to put her shoes away.  She comes home and dumps her stuff here and there and falls asleep in front of the TV while eating pickles or cheese nachos.  She hasn't taken up watching sports or drinking beer but I don't think those are far off.  I don't knit or scrap book but I do enjoy cooking and braiding my daughters' hair on occasion.  I fear for the future. 

Stay at Home Moms: 

Another part of society that I have paid careful attention to is the phenomenon of the stay-at-home-mom.  Now, if after all my girls are in school and I have an opportunity to get back to a full-time career and I don't  because I would like to become a house husband that would be strange and frowned upon by our societys' standards.  Why are housewives accepted (although I know some moms are scrutinized by their peers)?  I think housewives are more accepted because women are, to some degree, devalued by society and that a woman at home just makes more sense than a woman at work.  I like the idea of a parent being at home with the family as much as the next guy and that is why we decided that we would not farm our kids to daycare (honestly, we couldn't afford it either), so I am not suggesting that a parent at home isn't important, but simply that women are more accepted in this role.  Each situation is unique and I don't portend to think one way is better than another I just get to thinking is all, and these are the thoughts that run through my stay-at-home-dad mind. 

Staying at home with three daughters while my wife brings home the bacon has changed me.  I don't think I was ever not sensitive to the plight of women in society, I just think that looking at the issue from the point of view of a stay at home dad highlights some issues that can be easily be missed.  Have I become a feminist?  I suppose I look at things like a feminist but I never thought of myself as one.  I mean, a feminist thinks women deserve equal treatment right?  If that is what a feminist thinks then I guess I have always been one and it is just common sense.

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