Picking a Winner

11 comments

May 5, 1:17 AM

by Joe Schatz, Parenting Examiner

 

 

Today was an interesting day for me as I went to my daughters’ school.  My father-in-law, a professional musician, performed at their school and highlighted my two oldest daughters in his performances.  He is a brilliant musician and wonderful with kids.  Everything always goes perfectly during his performances as children are engaged and active listeners/learners.  His performances aren’t the focus of this article rather a backdrop.  Today was the third time I was in their school in two weeks.  American Education week was a couple of weeks ago, which was my first visit, then I went back to their school to observe my youngest daughter’s kindergarten class for a second time (long story) and today makes three.  Here’s where it gets fun.  I noticed something about kids in those three visits to school.  Kids pick their noses constantly.

I saw kids patrolling the olfactory region casually as if they were hoping to find an unwanted visitor all up in there.  We will call them the patrollers.

I saw kids more actively digging away like a fisherman who just hooked a decent sized fish.  These kids would struggle trying to find the right angle of approach into the nose as their bodies contorted to match their determination.  These kids were also done relatively quickly, within a minute or two.   They were also wipers.  They wiped on themselves, the floor and the desks.  Their eyes were usually focused on the teacher or another kid as their booger holding, zombie arm indiscriminately wiped away.  We will call these kids diggers.  Patrollers can become diggers and diggers can become patrollers at a moments notice.  

I saw the full-time pickers.  These kids were perpetually digging in their noses like they were a part of some kind of sick contest.  They dug almost as if they had some kind of nervous disorder like a facial tic, but this condition required finger tip contact with the slimey interior of their nasal canal.  These kids would look at their fingers almost constantly.  This back and forth motion became dizzying to behold.  In the nose.  Out of the nose.  Look at the finger.  Wipe the finger.  In the nose.  Rinse and repeat.  Phew!  I thought I had seen it all, short of a kid putting a toe up their nose, there wasn’t anything else to see, right?  Wrong.  That’s when I saw it.  I saw the mother of all pickers.  This one came today in the midst of my father-in-law's performance.  

I saw an eater.  This was no casual, “let me just sneak a taste when no one's looking” nose picker, this was a rabid, maniac nose picker.  He, predictably a boy, could pick fast too.  He was in and out like a jewel thief on coke.  Nose to mouth.  Nose to mouth.  Nose to mouth.  It was like watching an old lady pick a crab.  If you have never seen that then picture an ape picking bugs off another ape.  Quick, careful and hungry.  Although my stomach was turning I couldn’t turn away.  I was mesmerized.  Thankfully, he ran out of ammunition or had filled up before I lost my lunch in the schools activity center.  I wonder if you have seen this kind of behavior.  Is your child an offender?

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Topics: parenting , dads , parenting humor , children , nose picking

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