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Joe Schatz
Parenting ExaminerJoe Schatz is the man behind Joeprah.com and the proud stay-home father of three daughters. His take on parenting has drawn praise from national media, and his daughters think he's alright, too.
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Parenting Examiner
Showing entries for Category: Baby
Is Your Baby Hitler?
Joe Schatz - Parenting Examiner
Have you noticed that you have been getting ordered around an awful lot lately? Is the person doing the ordering a zealot who seems to have an unquenchable thirst for power? Is this person also under 2 1/2 feet tall and less then 2 years old? Then you may have a case of Baby Hitler-itis, also known in the medical field as BH. I started to notice the signs early on but not until just a few days ago did I really begin to understand how severe it was getting. Here is an actual photo taken just moments before from whenever you are reading this:
- Child is looking to you to do menial tasks like diaper change, bathing them, etc. This is a commonly overlooked sign. If you give in too easily here it can quickly spiral out of control.
- Child looks at you as their jailer. Lets face it, kids need to go somewhere while we watch Sports Center or play Tiger Woods 2007 and they soon start to act out through crying when they are put into their cribs. This is also known as the "I Know I am Tired But I Don't Want to Take My Nap Now" State or IKIT-BID-WTMNN State.
- You are peed on. Children doing this are very close to stage 4. At this point some babies may actually begin to goosestep like they are in military procession. Children in this stage will also throw food off their high chairs and cups onto the ground without warning.
- Child writes a story about their struggle. Now what to look for here is the innocent looking scraps of paper with "doodles" or their nasty big brother "scribbles." "Doodles" and "Scribbles" are carefully orchestrated codes. Loops indicate aggression. Swipes are signs of larger plans. "Dots"...lets just hope you don't see those.
Child culminates all of this planning into a Coup d'etat which usually happens at either a family gathering or a restaurant when they're invulnerable to parental challenges. Child cries loudly for no reason (see most annoying sound ever). Check mate! Who's in charge now? Your hands are tied, there is nothing you can do except let the little despot take command from here on out. So next time you see a child wailing away in a restaurant with the parents bickering amongst themselves it may very well be a case of BH.
For more from this Examiner you can follow him at his blog here.
Topics: fatherhood , parenting , parenting humor , Hitler , Baby
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