You and Your Voyeuristic Child

6 comments

May 21, 5:37 PM

by Joe Schatz, Parenting Examiner

 

 

Our house has a split brain personality when it comes to the topic of being concealed.  You see, my wife is diametrically opposed to humility in all its forms.  I am convinced it has nothing to do with a personal belief or fancy political statement, but rather the fact is she has somehow remained oblivious to kids and female family members who are eyeing up her nakedness.  You see, my wife is the type of lady that will always treat our bathroom/bedroom/heck upstairs as her personal locker-room—she just doesn’t care.  On the other hand, I really don’t like to be just “out there” any more than I need to be.  They call it junk for a reason people.  Anyways, my wife will lead my daughters in and out of our bathroom/bedroom no matter what amount of clothes I am currently wearing.  This has never been and issue and remains a non issue with our two younger daughters (ages 5 & 3).  My 8 year old though…she stares. 

I feel like an object.  I will be getting dressed in our room and my 8 year old will happen by and just kind of stand there with her mouth agape checking me out.  It doesn’t matter at what point I am in the process of getting dressed, just the prospect of seeing dad getting dressed is enough to gain an audience.  I am not getting amorous stares mind you, but rather cold, scientific, “what the heck is that” stares.  So for all you dads out there that have kids approaching the “age of reason,” as I like to call it, here is a list of ways to know when you are getting “checked out.”

• Silence in your naked or half naked presence - silence from youngsters is always questionable and usually a sign that something is amiss.  So, it stands to reason that when your children are quiet they are probably thinking—thinking about your gross misshapen body.
• Staring – This is a dead give away.  If you notice your child staring at you then you know they have reached the threshold of naked awareness and there is no turning back. 
• Child has some stupid reason to come into your bathroom while you are in the shower – you will know that you have been duped if after they come into your bathroom you notice silence and perhaps staring (staring in this case only applies to bathrooms with stand up showers surrounded by plexi-glass).
• Pauses – If you child starts talking to you as you are getting dressed and abnormally and repeatedly pauses you may be getting checked out.
• You are stalked – This happens when a child actually sneaks around to get a better look at you.  A voyeuristic child is a child that needs to be stopped.  It's weird, it's wrong and it's creepy as a mutha.

Topics: fatherhood , parenting , moms , dads , daughters , parenting humor , children , toddler , naked

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