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So you want to be a Stay at Home Dad? Part I
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With so many changes to the traditional work environment and with the economy tanking, we are seeing a lot of families make the choice to bring daddy home. So, if you are a dad out there considering becoming a SAHD, I am here to scare you straight. It is tough being a full-time parent. I, personally, think it is more challenging staying home with kids then it is to work. This series is intended to show potential stay at home dads the reality behind the choice to become a full-time parent. Today’s topic: You cannot be afraid to get your hands dirty
Babies are quite possibly one of the ultimate paradoxes. They are super cute but super disgusting at the same time. Taking care of a baby means you will be peed on. There will be crap in many forms. Diapers range from the sticky, black meconium nonsense that takes like a million wipes to get off, to the exploding up the back diarrhea disasters. Diapers happen frequently. The smell of a single diaper is menacing, a couple together is enough to singe your eyebrows, and the smell that comes out of a packed diaper genie is the equivalent of Hell on Earth. Babies weigh like nothing, but produce mountains of doo. It hardly seems fair. This all may seem terrible, but wait until potty training.
Spit up is constant. I once had one of my kids spit up directly in my mouth. I was playing with them after a bottle, you know kind of tossing them gently in the air and mid-air it happened. I was probably making a silly face and smiling up at my daughter when a torrent of formula-battery-acid rained down on me. It was all I could do to hold onto the kid that just puked into my mouth.
The puke isn’t always spit up either. Sometimes it is the real deal. Kids’ vomiting is really difficult for me to take. The smell of bile almost instantly sets off a gag reflex for me and babies/toddlers just don’t go and open the toilet like any normal person would when throwing up—they simply stop what they are doing and toss cookies. Here is a typical vomit scenario:
Setting: Family Room
Time: 10:00am
Characters: Stay at home parent and toddler/baby
Plot: You are watching a TV program with your child on the couch. Your child acts and appears well. Without warning your child turns head slightly in your direction, perhaps to ask for help, and unleashes a spray of vomit to rival the girl from the Exorcist. You are now covered in vomit, your child is crying, the couch is dissolving in stomach acid and the day has barely gotten under way.
Here’s one thing to keep in mind when you are changing diapers, babies will pee on you. Remember when you were younger and you picked up a toad only to have it pee on you because it was the toad’s only defense mechanism? Now imagine a ten to fifteen pound toad. Imagine that toad has a diaper and you need to change it because it stinks like raw sewage. Guess what happens as soon as you start to change that toad’s diaper? Yep, toads and babies are disgusting. Babies hate the cold and when they are cold and naked they act out by peeing—their only defense mechanism.
Babies and toddlers are beset with boogers. Boogers are omnipresent. It seems that every child I have ever come in contact with has either something coming from their nose or a finger firmly planted in it. Tissues do not do runny noses any justice. You would be better served to carry a beach towel with you throughout the day to wipe up the leaky snot. It is gross and disgusting but after all you have already been through, let’s be honest, the boogers are the least of our worries.
Can you hack it? Do you still want to be a stay at home dad? Today we covered not being afraid to get your hands dirty, next Friday we’ll look at Toddlers and Babies are like Terminators.
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