Stay at Home Dads Under Fire

May 1, 1:35 PMFatherhood ExaminerJoe Schatz

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Setting the Stage 

This article is my response to an article written yesterday about stay at home dads by Penelope Trunk .  Admittedly, I am not a Penelope Trunk connoisseur, but I do get the gist of her blog.  She gives tips/hacks that are intended to help white collar folk deal with the corporate world.  Ms. Trunks lends her insight and experience to suggest solutions to deal with workplace problems like office romance, how to get a job you may not be qualified for, or teaching your kids important values so that they may be better equipped to succeed in today's fast paced and ever changing corporate world.  I have no issue with this at all and I find that she is well equipped and quite battle tested with her own personal experiences to handle such topics. However, yesterday she took on the topic of "stay at home dads " wrote, basically, the equivalent of a slap in the face to SAHDs everywhere.  I will give you some time to acquaint yourself with the article.

Excellent, you're back!  So, what did you think?  Need help?  Let me start by saying this article is offensive to 99% of the SAHDs out there trying their hardest to do what's best for their families.  If you did not read the article here is the synopsis:

The Synopsis 

• She says SAHDs always want to be interviewed by her because she is really important and all

• She thinks SAHDs are all fake except this one dude

• She posts a collection of edited emails from this guy saying:

" I like this guy because he is more honest with me about his life than any other stay-at-home dad I know. "

• The guy she highlights in the post talks about having an affair with a 50 year old woman

• The guy’s emails never mention his kids except that they exist

• He talks about life as an admitted absolute chauvinist

• The title of the article is "What life's really like for a stay at home dad"

• She gets it all wrong

• She asks follow up questions at the end of her exposé that prove she is completely out of touch with the topic she speaks of 

• She should stick to business questions

• Many folks unsubscribed from her blog because of this ridiculous post 

My Turn 

Bottom line, her assertion is that everyone in the US cheats and that SAHDs are "keeping it real" if they admit to it because it fits into the box she lives in.  She applauds this mans honesty only because it must somehow validate her own philosophies that, perhaps to no fault of her own, have been created by past failed relationships or witnessing others struggle with infidelity.  

My reality, after reading many SAHD blogs, articles, and forums; after being a SAHD (part or full-time) for almost 8 years; after meeting and talking to other SAHDs in my journey as a dad/husband/human being is that the average Joe SAHD isn't some rock star, ego maniacal figure that looks for spa treatments and manicures, but rather a hard working guy that deals with spit up, crying babies and stinky diapers with the best of them.  If Ms. Trunks is so in tune with corporate America then she should understand that the workplace is changing and many more dads are working from home or out of their home than ever before.  The trend isn't chauvinistic jerks, like the one she highlights in this article, but rather dads becoming more active in their children's lives.  Seriously, labels always suck and what Penelope just did was pigeon hole a segment of society unfairly and without provocation simply because this one dude emailed her more consistently.  If that’s what it takes to get a guest spot on her blog I suggest that all crazy people everywhere start emailing her consistently and make her blog really fun.  

I try everyday, whether it be here on my blog or in public when I am out with my girlfriends (my pet name for my daughters), to show people that SAHDs are just normal people who hug their kids and kiss their spouses just like everyone else.  Thanks for the slap in the face Ms. Trunks , we could do without it.  Drive-thru. 

If you feel as strongly as I do about this, please leave a comment below so that Ms. Trunks can see the solidarity.