Parenting with 'We’ll see…'

December 17, 11:11 AMFatherhood ExaminerJoe Schatz

Previous Next

Comment Print Email RSS Subscribe

Subscribe

Get alerts when there is a new article from the Fatherhood Examiner. Read Examiner.com's terms of use.

Email Address   Include other special offers from Examiner.com Terms of Use

Children, an identified subgroup of humans, are impossibly relentless mammals. Part of what defines them as children is their carefree outlook on the world and this is perhaps the main reason why we as parents have come up with the phrase “We’ll see.” “We’ll see” both ensures our invulnerability as parents and acts as a tool we can turn to as parents when we don’t feel like parenting quite as actively. Putting it succinctly, "We'll see" is a deflective tool used by parents to ignore, delay, or answer questions in a strategic manner. The following article is a “How to” on implementing “We’ll see” in our daily interactions with our children.

 When children make us use “We’ll see…”

 When a child asks for a retail product:

Here is a typical scenario, a small child is watching a show and a commercial comes on that has somewhat catchy music playing and a marginally interesting product. After said commercial, said small child runs to parent half out of breath begging for said retail product. No matter what the product is saying “Yes” as a parent only sends the message of vulnerability to your child. Now, saying “No” all the time will give the small child a defeatist outlook on life and that isn’t what we want for our children as parents either—so what’s the answer? Enter “We’ll see.” Like a being made of rubber, the use of “We’ll see” has turned you from being susceptible to your child’s advances into being completely invincible.

When a child asks to go somewhere:

Here is the scenario, a child gets an idea in their head either via media or friend from school that they need to go to some location and ask to go somewhere. That location may be the “movies,” the “mall,” “Chuck e Cheese’s,” or a party. Should you say “No?” I think in this scenario “No” can be allowed as long as you are ready and able to back that “No” up with some good points as to why the child cannot go to said location. Should you say “Yes?” I think that saying “Yes” here is almost always the wrong thing to do as it takes all control out of your hands. You need time to qualify the location. Who else is going? When do you need to be there? When will you be home? Do I need to go with you? Insert any of the questions that make us good parents. Should you say “We’ll see?” Almost 9 times out of 10 you should instinctively say “We’ll see.” Your child now can think they are going to the location and this buys you time to come up with reasons why they can’t.

When a child asks to go to someone’s house:

In this scenario, a child gets the idea in their head from talking with their friends at school about a possible “play date” or “sleepover.” What your child has failed to recognize here is the fact that you yourself could have plans that interfere with your child’s desire to go to a friend’s house. A typical conversation would go something like this:

Child: “Dad (or Mom) can I have a play date with ________.”

Dad (or Mom): “We’ll see.”

If you have been the Dad (or Mom) before in this conversation—congratulations, because you have demonstrated the use of “We’ll see” to perfection.

When a child asks for a food item:

Many times throughout the day children ask for sugary snacks—it is their basic function as children to desire sweets. As parents, this onslaught of begging becomes annoying rather quickly and perhaps was the birth place of the original “We’ll see.” As much as asking for sugary snacks is a part of what defines a child, so too is the use of “We’ll see” by parents when confronted by these questions. “No” is also a completely acceptable response in this situation. I like to use each equally. You can use them in any combination you would like, but refrain from using “Yes” as it is a sign of weakness.

So far we have discussed when to use “We’ll see” when your children are the catalysts, but how about your own personal mood? How does this affect the proliferation of “We’ll see?”

When you should use “We’ll see”:

• When you are thinking about something else
• When you are tired
• When you are eating
• When you are watching a program
• When you are driving
• When you are on the phone
• When you are off the phone
• When you are getting dressed
• When you are dressed
• When you are listening to music
• When you aren’t listening to music
• Anytime ever

As you can plainly see, we can use “We’ll see” as parents at any moment ever which makes "We'll see" the most awesome parenting tool in our repertoire.

Why use “We’ll see”:

• We aren’t seen as push-overs for always giving in to our children’s every whim
• We aren’t seen as bad guys for always saying "No"
• Our children stand a lesser chance of becoming spoiled
• Our children understand who is in charge and that the person isn’t them
• Our children will not got a negative attitude about us as parents

Perhaps the use of “We’ll see” is the ultimate win-win since it is positive for both the child and the parent. Is there anything else you would like to add about the use of “We’ll see?” Has “We’ll see” ever let you down? Do you feel any “We’ll see” guilt?