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I met two educated 24-year-old African Americans who use the N-word without shame
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From www.thesuperspade.com
I admit that I wouldn’t have been as startled if it was two hip hops kids with a lot of bling and underwear rising from their low-riding jeans. But Friday night, there I sat at a bar in an upscale restaurant waiting for my friend to arrive. Beside me was a jovial and casually dressed couple, who’ve been friends since age 12.
Here’s a summary of what happened.
The young man, who was apparently friendly with the staff, went over to the side of the bar to joke with servers. As he returned to his seat beside me, he shouted to the white female bartender, “Hey, that [N-word] is whack.”
I must’ve misunderstood, I thought.
But then he laughed and repeated, “That [N-word] is whack."
I turned to him and said, “Excuse me, did you just say what I thought you said?”
“Yeah, we’re all friends,” he replied.
“But, you think it’s okay, to shout that word publicly,” I asked.
“Yeah,” he says with a smile. “We’re friends, we say “whack” all the time."
I laughed in amazement.
“No,” I said. “Maybe I misunderstood. Did you use the [N-Word]?”
“Oh, [N-word]," he inquired.
Still smiling he said, "Yes, I said [N-word]. We’re all friends. We hang out. [The bartender’s] boyfriend is black. She understands.”
“I’m sorry, I just don’t understand how you can think that it’s okay to shout that word out in a busy restaurant," I said. "Obviously the word has no personal affect on you, and that’s a good thing, but I can’t understand how you don’t realize what you are perpetuating when you shout it out.”
Still smiling as if his hand had been caught in the cookie jar, he said, “I’m really sorry if I offended you. You think I’m ignorant, don’t you? Would you like a drink?"
“No thank you,” I said. “You didn’t offend me. And you don’t appear to be ignorant. You appear to be an intelligent young man. That’s why I can’t believe that you think this is okay. Are you not aware of the history of the word?"
I told him that I used to get called that word by white boys when I was in junior high school. My response was to punch them or smack them down. That's the only way I knew how to respond back then.
To placate me, he said, " I think I was meant to hear this.”
“Look I’m not going to sit here and lecture you. I’m just amazed,” I said.
“Here talk to my friend. She’s a Spelman graduate,” he said.
“Do you think it’s okay to shout that word out in a public place,” I asked her.
“I just don’t think the word means to our generation what it meant to other generations,” she said. “We use it in a different way. It's affection or [camaraderie]."
“That’s not exclusive to your generation. Black folks have been using the word in different ways for generations. I've used the word, in the past. And if we just met at a party at someone’s home, and there was no one there but black people, and I heard you use the word, I probably wouldn’t raise the issue. But we are in a public place,” I said.
“I guarantee you that when you use that word around a white person, no matter how close you are to them, it raises confusion in their minds. How can a part of them not wonder if it’s okay to use the word,” I continued.
“I understand what you’re saying,” she said.
Chuckling, the young man said, “I think I was meant to hear this. I really do. I think you’re an angel that God sent to me. You’re disappointed in me aren’t you."
“No, this whole thing just surprised me,” I said.
“Would you like a drink,” he asked.
“No thanks, I’m good,” I said.
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