Forgive? You've got to be kidding!

October 15, 7:29 PMPhoenix Spiritual ExaminerTorie Cooper

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"If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should see sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility."  - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow 

Sometimes, we feel terribly hurt by the words or actions of another. Whether the harm to us was actual or perceived matters little at the time. All we feel is pain and/or heartbreak.

How could ________ (fill in the blank) do this? I thought he/she cared! We re-live the situation over and over trying to figure it out, trying to understand it. We may  find our emotions cycling between denial, anger and sadness.

What about forgiveness? "No way" you answer. You're too hurt and forgiveness simply isn't an option. After all, you didn't do anything wrong. They did.

Forgiveness isn't a weak, wimpy, giving-in sort of thing. Forgiveness is difficult, that's why we see so little of it. Forgiveness is damn hard. It can mean getting up each morning and giving it another try. Sometimes, we can only forgive for an hour or a day. Then we have to start again. We soon find out forgiveness isn't an event, it's a process.

When forgiveness speaks it says, "What you said or did hurt me. I feel angry and/or sad. But I'm willing to work through these painful feelings and transform my hurt into acceptance (not agreement) of what has happened. I'm willing to make peace with what has occurred for my own sake."

Whether or not you decide to continue a relationship with the other person involved is a choice you are wiser to make when you are calm. Either way, forgiveness allows you to make peace with your hurt feelings and to move forward. Forgiveness isn't easy and it will push the boundaries of your comfort zone. It may require every ounce of inner strength you have. But unforgiveness always results in sickness - not to the other person but to you. Please consider forgiveness for your own sake. Be kind and supportive of yourself . . . forgive.

Peace to all