Why are we single?

     Rush hour on the CTA is a great time to people watch, catch up on your reading and Sudoku, use your Blackberry to let your boss know you’re running late, and, apparently, it’s a great time to try and score a date. 

  If you think about, it makes sense.  We obviously live semi-close if we’re on the same line.  It’s likely we’re both employed and have goals.  And you’re stuck on a train together, most likely standing face-to-face for an uncertain amount of time.

  I experienced this phenomenon for the first time this morning.  But, my first encounter didn’t leave me giddy with excitement for a first date.  Instead, the very handsome man in his perfectly tailored suit and shiny shoes left me with his business card and an offensive question that gave me a splitting headache all day.

  “So, why are you single?” he asked.  Whether or not he was trying to compliment me by expressing his surprise that I was single, he asked me a question that most women don’t want to even attempt to answer, let alone give a second’s thought to.

  But, there I was, face to face with his adorable smile and his shrewd question.  Of course, curiosity killed the Kate and my mind was preoccupied with that seemingly simple question for the rest of the 50 minute train ride (and the day) and not Mr. Man.

  Why are we single? Do we choose to be? How about those of us who would rather have someone to come home to everyday? Are we single because we’re undesirables or because our standards don’t qualify them?  

  All day, I wondered. At first, I started to mentally place the blame on every boyfriend I ever had.  “Well, if he hadn’t cheated on me, then I would trust men and allow myself to emotionally open up to them therefore get more dates and possibly even get to ‘serious’ status…”  The second I started to hear myself rant so-called rationalizations in my head, I laughed.

  I’m not single because of my exes…all million of them. I’m single because of me. We are all single because of ourselves. 

  Some choose to be because it’s easier, we don’t want to get hurt, or we think we’re in our prime and it would be against God’s will to settle down.  Some want to settle down, but we refuse to settle for anything less than perfection and therefore…are single.  

  I decided to take a cab home today (figured it would get me to my migraine medicine faster.)  After a day of self-reflection, thanks to my new travel buddy, I chose to acknowledge that we are all in control of our own lives, present and future. If you are single and don’t want to be anymore, you’ll find a way to change that, and vice versa.

  As far as I’m concerned, it doesn’t really matter why I’m single.  What matters, is how I choose to live my fabulous, single life.  Step one: another trip on the El…bright and early.