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Divorce 101: Second step to a divorce
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Let's say now you exhausted all measures to salvage your marriage or you simply met someone else and you want a divorce. You know your family finances and decided to work with a paralegal because it is cheaper or you may have hired an attorney because there are more assets or issues at stake that you need an attorney for. Please consider how to protect yourself from some of these possible problems that could arise when you are considering divorce.
1. Ex-marital affair - You do not want to be the spouse having an extramarital affair during your marriage or worse being discovered by your partner. Then you surely need to think twice about divorce and go to marriage counseling to show you attempted to work on your marriage; otherwise you could have a dirty divorce as in Christy Brinkley or any other celebrity caught with their pants down. http://www.popeater.com/2009/10/08/christie-brinkley-peter-cook-jail/3
If you or your spouse knows the other is having an extramarital affair and can prove it, then the opposing side can state emotional abuse or instability for grounds to have sole custody of your children. You may not realize it, but your spouse may be documenting and even may have hired a private investigator to take photos of you with another man or woman. He or she could be recording you. This can be evidence used against you in court. This can seriously hurt your chances for joint custody of your children. You could also end up paying more alimony or attorney fees of the other party based on emotional abuse. Bottom line is if you are unhappy in your marriage, first get a divorce before you begin having an affair or else you can be the one hurt in the divorce process.
2. Domestic Abuse/Drugs - Domestic abuse and drug use are a national epidemic in our country. One in four women will suffer from domestic violence. 85% of domestic violence victims are women. http://www.ncadv.org/files/DomesticViolenceFactSheet(National).pdf
These are very high numbers and are usually not taken seriously by attorneys, and courts. If you are a victim of domestic violence, you need to get help immediately whether you have children or not. There are many groups you can contact to help you get on your feet like EMPACT (24hr hotline 480-736-4949)and FreshStart http://www.wehelpwomen.com that provide assistant to women and children suffering from abuse. These agencies strictly help women because for obvious reasons they are the most impacted.
If you are impacted by a spouse who is abusing you or abusing drugs, document everything for your divorce and/or custody battle. You need to file police reports if physical abuse transpired even if it is embarrassing, speaking from experience, because the court will not take it seriously if you don't have evidence. Please note domestic violence is about control. It doesn't mean it has to be physical either. You could be suffering from emotional abuse when your spouse tells you to do something or else. He or she may use their attorney to scare you or threaten you to do something or else we will file an expedited motion. Document everything! A great book on this subject matter is, "The Gift of Fear," by Gavin De Becker. Whatever you do, know that there are agencies and support groups to help you through this part of your life.
Stay tuned to information on how to begin the divorce paperwork if you are filing on your own or with a paralegal.
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