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The Seattle Freeze—when did being passive-aggressive become a virtue?
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Ask any visitor (Gay and straight) or transplant to Seattle about how he likes the city and people, he will undoubtedly start out with: “What a beautiful city—gorgeous bays, a great art scene, unique bookstores, restaurants, very green with tall Pines everywhere. And the wharf area is fabulous.” Then ask about the people and Gay culture, for example, and you hear, “The people are so refreshingly polite . . . oh uh, to a degree.” You think—oh no. Here we go. Someone is going to slight something about Seattle. Hollywood would not have filmed many a famous box-office hit here if Seattle were not such a great town.
Well, Seattle is a great town for many, many things. But when one gets that infamous Seattle freeze attitude from its locals, his perception of the city’s culture becomes ambiguous at best. (A must read is Julia Summerfeld’s (2005) article in the Seattle Times Magazine on this very topic.) The Gay scene here is not immune either—it is no Saugatuck, MI, P-Town, Austin, TX, Ft. Lauderdale or Palm Springs—all major Gay travel destinations.
But for those of you who already have become acculturated, you will know exactly what is being described here. You show a preponderance of what psychologists term “the plasticity smile”—you are always polite, even to strangers; you will extend a helping hand when you see one needs the help; and you will say good morning to all on the street. But when asked to engage any further in a friendly conversation (God forbid), you retreat into coldness and indifference, even arrogance. These descriptions, my friends, are what describe Seattleites to most people from other places. In the psyche biz, as they say, this is classic passive-aggressive behavior—not such a good thing.
This phenomenon is also not the norm in most major American and foreign cities, and certainly not anything a great major city such as Seattle should want to project. Of course, all big cities have some flaw or two they are not proud of. But “the freeze” is an image that Seattle’s tourism and convention business, for example, states is uniquely here and wishes it would go away. Some local historians state that, culturally, Seattle (and Washington State for that matter) is Nordic. Therefore, the Northwest never had that romantic flare culturally afforded to more Mediterranean and Southern European cultural American settlements. Given this premise established here, say, many centuries ago, could it be time for Seattle to finally allow itself to be open to better ways of being? Drinking a Starbucks latte and then going to your Bikram yoga class is one very minute aspect of being a more whole person.
Alright, all things are in flux and change in our world. There are no true constants that keep things as they are when it comes to most world cultures. It may be time for Seattle to shed its bearskin rug and furry Nordic moon boots and, well, be for real. Make that surface façade of genuine politeness actually become genuine. It is Ok to love and be loved, as well as express it. It is Ok to show a sense of humor, and to laugh at the absurd. It is Ok to invite someone over for a glass of great Columbia Valley Washington State wine—and mean it!
So, the next time you Seattleites pass out your business card to a prospective friend you meet at one of the numerous great bars, restaurants, galleries and coffee shops, do not be shocked that that person actually calls you back—and—actually wants to get together and have a great time with you. It’s OK.
For more info: Passive Aggressive Behavioral Info.
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