Caffeine Examiner

Snake Oil? - Function Alternative Energy

Step right up folks to the genuine bonafide electrifide review of the most tantalizing mezmerizing drink to hit your senses and wake you take you remake you into a newer better happier you!

I am always skeptical of energy drinks that purport to be healthy because physicians say so. I know that most of the energy drinks out there are the modern day equivalent of the elixers medicine men peddled from the back of wagons a hundred years ago. I know I am being scammed, but it seems so much more slimy when a licensed physician scams me.

This drink is FULL of scamminess - from the little badge on the front letting you know it was "created by physicians" to the copy on the side, informing you that the "doctors at Function worked around the clock to develop a 100% natural energy drink that will keep you going all day and all night long." This is followed by a chunk letting you know that it will give you stamina for 6-8 hours, inferring this is done without the use of caffeine (liars - This drink has both Caffeine and Guarana listed in the ingredients). The website even hints that this drink will keep you UP in more ways than one, telling you that in "some cases their tonic is regarded as potent aphrodisiacs in traditional medicine!"

Taste:8
Tastes like your average vitamin water - with the added tastes of exotic juices. Mainly, I could taste the cane juice more than any other flavors. Not bad, But not special. Not as easy to drink as a vitamin water is, but still slams easier than a canned sweetened carbonated energy drink. While not amazing, this still rates pretty high.

Buzz/Nutrition:9
According to the scince filled site. the Function Alternative Energy Drink uses 4 classes of pharmacokinetics to enhance mood and energy. Pharmacokinetics is basically the study of how long it takes a drug to run its course in your body.
What function is trying to do is use their drugs sequentially, so they supply you with that 6 to 8 hours of sustained energy. I would normally blow off all of that as just more mumbo jumbo, but it actually works! I can attest that there is some really ood work going on here, and I was actually kept awake and alert for longer than your average energy drink. It still might be snake oil, but for my system it did just what it promised. The kick is very slow in coming on, but did last for quite a long time. It might have not been instantanious, but is was definitely there, keeping me going for a good 4-5 hours - I am a believer!

There are some very odd ingredients in here to make that happen though... muira pauma, catuaba, horny goat weed, yerba mate, and some basic energy drink stuff, such a B and C vitamins make this all work, and although I am a sucker for a good line and a nice package, I really was pretty peppy, so I cant complain... There’s 120 calories and 28 grams of sugar per bottle - so it is not a diet by any means, but it is liveable.

Website: http://www.functiondrinks.com/alternativeenergy.php 8
Very functional (hehe) but also very informative. They go a long way to push the science of these drinks, more than any of their competitors, such as vitamin water or snapple waters. Even down to listing Table salt as NaCl as an ingredients, they work hard to make their drinks seem like they come out of the lab more than out of a ED company. Wery well done for a small team putting out such unique products. I only hope there are more coming down the pike!


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