Go Fast Energy Gum - the worst caffeine fueled item ever!

December 22, 11:55 PMCaffeine ExaminerBig Red Boots  

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Go fast has possibly made the most horrid evil nasty disgusting gum I have ever eaten in my entire life - energy drink gum or no. Truly. I congratulate Go Fast on this achievement, as they managed to completely outdo Jolt gum, Mad Croc Chews and countless others as the substance I would never ever  put into my mouth. The sad thing is, this gum is many years in the making. "I have been working on this gum for five years," Troy Widgery, the founder for Go Fast said.

This gum is great - as a prank to your friends and enemies, but don't give it to someone in your car, as they will end up projectile spewing it out of their mouth leaving a big red stain all over your dash - or on whatever it touches. I can not go to enough superlatives to describe the fun horror of these pieces, and would almost recommend to anyone around to purchase some so they can experience this for themselves. It makes your jaws ache, your teeth squeak - and your tongue turn bright yellow. This is like accidentally putting something rotten in your mouth, your brain will try to expel this from your body as fast as possible - but if you manage to keep chewing you will live through this rite of passage, knowing only a real hardcore energy fanatic would put themselves through this for a buzz.

Widgery bought a gum-making machine and placed it in a warehouse near Invesco Field at Mile High back in 2006, and said it will produce more than 100 million packs of deadly evil Go Fast Gum a year, which will be distributed internationally, much like the Go Fast energy drink, which is sold in 16 countries. I have so far found this gum in one convenience store in Colorado. I have a feeling someone put it there as a prank. Whenever I call the company , a representative says that the product is still being tweaked - and they practice torture on their staff by forcing them to chew different concoctions as they try to find a way to make this marketable.

When you start off - this unwraps to a bright and cheerful yellow gum. Look innocent enough - except for this little sinister red poking out from the side corners of it - a small hint of the evil inside. so you put in a nibble of the gum - and so far so good. The gum base itself is a citrus-lemon flavor - and while not tasty it is by no means bad. A little more red is peeking out now, leaving a blood veined red sneaking through. With a trepidatious lick you taste the red, and your tongue revolts. it is like licking the inside of a multivitamin gel-tab - only about a hundred times stronger. The chalky sourness makes you pull back and question what the hell you are doing - and for all that is good and holy shouldn't you find something else to review, like marshmallows or cotton candy. Finally you build up the nerve and pop it in and give it a big chew.

EEEEEEWWWWWWWBBBBBBBLLAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The red dye fills your mouth, turning the gum orange and your teeth and tongue bright and glowing red. your jaw clenches at the flavor and your tongue tries to expel it at a maximum velocity. It makes your teeth actually squeak. If you are the kind of person who would drink cough syrup, you still won't like this - but at least you will recognize the flavor. I gave out all the pieces I had left so others could experience the extreme ick. I got reaction from " Ewww this is gross" to " tastes like medicine I left in my mouth for too long!" and after a minute I was told it tastes a little like chewing a dozen Flinstones vitamins at one time. One fearless reviewer told me after 3 minutes of chewing that it is not the worst thing she ever chewed, thinking the natural gum that crumbles in your mouth is worse. Her idea was that this would be great for a dieter because it gives your mouth something to do and makes everything you taste really bad for a loong time - so you don't want to eat anything hours after you chew it.

In terms of caffeine , there is about 100mg in here - which is VERY serious. Of course you have to keep it all in your mouth if you want to have the caffeine rush. I found the caffeine amount from some in-store advertising, as the gum does not list any ingredients, nutrients, or anything else on the package. You just get the gum, and some instructions on where you can MAIL to receive nutritional info. If you find this around - please give it a try - I would love to find other reactions to this remarkably bad semi-food.

You can but 10 packs - or 50 strong energy drinks worth of this scary stuff for 41 bucks through their website - and may all the caffeine gods show you mercy.