A Nicoderm-like energy patch? Don't I wish...

I have tried some odd ideas in the year I have written about caffeine. I have seen it in chips,, oatmeal, drops and mints, gum, chews, powders, mixers and tablets. This one - however took the cake. In the NOT-A Food category - I was SO hoping that this thing would work, and I could find that perfect thing for long road trips, interminably long boring surrealist plays and any other place where you have to feel energy, but can not bring food or drink into, or be able to make the stops to the restroom that you would need from other substances. Something you don't even need to open your mouth for.
A patch - an energy patch that you could attach to your skin like a smokers patch would be perfect. I want something like this product! While this had always been a joke, like the Coffee I.V., I really did not think such a thing existed, so you can imagine my surprise when I walked into my local 7-11 and saw 3 packs of "Energy Boost Power Patch" in front of me in the discount racks for only a quarter. "Wow!" I thought to myself. "They do exist!" and bought up the whole display. This was too exciting. I so hoped this would work.
The label looked promising - with assurances of ENERGY and ALERTNESS. There is even a baby boomer with his button down shirt with his arms stuck in the WOOT! position. So like I do with all my tests, I dive in, then study the product as I wait for the boost. I opened up the pack to these little band-aid like patches. Not ever seen a smokers patch, I assume it is more or less the same thing. Just to be sure I would feel something, I slapped 2 of these ( the maximum usage, according to package) on my forearm, as directed. I guess I could have placed them on my back or anywhere clean and dry.

Excitedly i waited the glorious herbal rush - as this stuff is supposed to give me energy for up to 24 hours I figured it might take a while to set in, so I read the rest of the box and felt betrayed. No Caffeine to be found anywhere. Well, I have seen some light results used with no caffeine and just amino acids and metabolism boosters, so I hung in there and kept reading. Nope - no aminos or protein blends. The main energy booster is Rhodiola rosea - which might be an adaptogenic herb. This may be an energy booster, but the results are still out.
The interesting thisng is this - In the two double-blind clinical trials, the dose of a standardized Rhodiola rosea extract ranged from 100-170 mg per day. This stuff has 8mg in a patch. They also put licorice, msm, and some other stuff which is not related to energy.
I waited. And waited and waited and waited. 5 hours later, I ripped the things off my arm and tossed them out, very disappointed. Not one to give up, I gave many of the patches away to firends - all reporting the same non effects, other than an odd stain on the spot where the useless herbal mix sat. If anyone else around me wants some useless herbal smelling ineffective band aids now, I guess I have them covered. Now I just have to find me a good IV drip somewhere....