Parenting 101: did good, do better

November 7, 11:24 AMOrlando Family Relationships ExaminerMary Montequin

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Take time to hear your children's point of view
Photo: Google Image

My professors had a saying in graduate school “did good, do better”. They would use this after any presentation, mock therapy, or real therapy session we had in order to give us constructive criticism. It worked like this, “You did good with X, you can do better with Y. They would fill in the blanks with whatever applied to the given situation.

This technique holds true in parenting. I used it with my clients often. Any attempt at parenting is good because it comes with good intentions. I never had a client tell me they were trying to do a bad job as a parent. No parent wants to fail at their job as a parent to their child. That’s not what we’re setting out to do every day we wake up.

It’s important to recognize what you do well in a parenting moment and be willing to learn what you could do better the next time. That’s how we grow. I was driving home yesterday afternoon with my kids in the car. My six year old rolled down his window and threw a piece of paper out of the car as we were going 55 mph in heavy traffic. I immediately went ballistic. I consider myself a fairly laid back person but there are some things that just set me off. Throwing trash out the window is one of them be it a stranger or my own precious child.

After calming down and rethinking the situation with the help of my daughter looking at me as if I had suddenly grown a second head, (she’s great for keeping me grounded). I realized that when my son rolled down his window and let that piece of paper fly off his small fingers his thought process was most likely not that his actions had just contributed to the massive problem that faces our environment. I am also very sure his was not a malicious attack on our mother earth. My response to his actions was however as if he had every intention of leaping from the car with giant carbon footprints and stomping all over everything in his path breathing toxic fumes.

In reality my son had innocently rolled down his window to feel the wind on his face, the music was playing a song he loved, his sister was laughing with him, he was happy and life was good. He wanted to see that piece of paper fly through the air because “it was free, just like me” his words, not mine.

Here’s where I did good… Most importantly I apologized for yelling before listening to why he did what he did. Then we talked about the importance of not throwing things out the window, that trash belongs in trash cans only. I told him the earth needs his help to stay clean. When we got into our neighborhood we stopped and picked up some trash to make up for what went out the window. This is what I can do better…I need to remember to listen to my children before I lose it. Try to remember to see things from their perspective.