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Imaginative title, I know.
So what’s going down in the headlines with all these celebrities, you ask (or shrug)? Well, let’s see with “In The News”
- The Expendables has finished filming down here
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1320253/
Yes, you read that correctly. The upcoming action film featuring an ensemble cast of Stone Cold Steve Austin, Jet Li, Jason Statham, and Sylvester Stallone, among others, has finished filming and is set to hit theaters soon. Reports that former professional wrestler Steve Austin gave stunners to Stallone and Li and drank beer on set are unsubstantiated. When reached for comment, Stallone appeared to have a swollen lip, although many pointed out that’s just how he usually sounds.
- Barack Obama made a visit to the campus of the University of New Orleans
(Credit: AP/Jeff Chiu)
None other than our commander-in-chief stopped by for a local town hall meeting at UNO, as the locals call it. This ties in to his recent bid for health care reform, as he has gotten wind of the terrible food served by Amarak in the campus dining rooms. He also promises a free ride to the hospital for anyone suffering from whiplash after traveling on the pothole-ridden roads of the Lakefront. He is said to be courting the interest of stoned slackers young scholars in this country right now.
- Phil Anselmo is still alive
Seriously. You don’t believe me, just go look it up. How in the world is that even possible?
- Wynton Marsalis to receive Prince of Honor award from French government
The celebrated jazz virtuoso is receiving a highly bestowed award from the French government. This is presumably because they like to listen to jazz while at cafes to appear educated. He is expected to hawk the money off for heroin, seeing as he is a jazz musician and all.
And that’s all the news that’s fit to mock, folks!
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